Back to normal? (Bill)

Misha was eating her early dinner at enpty Great Hall, lost in her thoughts. Mum was at work, dad was who knows where and so she went back to the castle and basicaly whole day spent in the library. She asked elves if they could bring some butterbeer and snack into her room so she could enjoy those rare days when she had dormitory all for herself. This was relaxing day. Ever since that dead muggle in the woods, Misha was getting back to herself and it felt good.

Bill had decided to return to school early, for he wanted to get his holiday homework finished. Any attempt that he had made in his home had ended up foiled as there was far too much going on, as always. So he had placed his trunk in his dorm and sought out an early dinner before hitting the library.

He was kind of surprised when he saw somebody also having their dinner in the otherwise empty hall. He hadn't even thought about what he would do when he saw her, but her appearance was much like the old Misha. Bill hardened his gaze and approached her, "What are you doing here all alone. Run out of friends again?"

Misha didn't even bother to look out from her food to know who spoke to her. "It's still a christmas break. My friends have their lives with their families just like I do, idiot," she replied sarcasticaly. Of course it didn't seem that way now, when she was in the castle all alone. But then again, she lived there basicaly. "Not disgusted enough to approach me, huh?" she more said, then asked. Deep inside it pleased her he came to her when there was whole empty Hall and he could easily avoid her and still have his dinner. But in the same time, she feared for him. She didn't want Bill to find out about her in the first place. And when he did, she didn't want him to accept it for his own sake. On the other hand, the fact he approached her could mean nothing. She didn't even turn to him, so she couldn't see the way he looked at her.

Bill sighed. He had spent Christmas as he always did, with his family. He had the knitted jumper up in his trunk and though he had worn it around the house he was sure that the next time he saw it would be the summer holidays when he wouldn't even need it. "You have a life? Well, then why are you still at school?" He bit down on his lip at her harsh words, and he growled quietly. He didn't find her disgusting at all. He had hoped that he had simply been hallucinating when he had had his realisation, but no. The feeling was still there, and without the blood everywhere it was even more prominent. "For fuck's sake," he muttered, before shaking his head. "I would rather have the danger right in front of me, actually," he said as he sat down in the bench across from her.

"Because I live here, asshole," she laughed a bit. "Misha Salander... Armen Salander... ring a bell? I lived here my entire life. It doesn't matter if I eat my dinner down in the hut or here," she explained to him. She wondered how come he didn't realize it when she was a year lower than him, yet they knew each other since he came to school. "And you should know I am no danger to you," she added, much more quietly. She would never hurt Bill. And not even his family, because that would hurt him. She knew that much from how he reacted at her words when she once spoke them. "If it helps, what you saw... I don't do that often. Nor my dad. We... let's just say innocent muggles aren't usually on the menu. No matter how... well, nevermind," she added in the end.

Bill knew that she lived at the school. It was pretty obvious who her father was, but that didn't mean that he was going to leave out the fact that she was alone. "The point remains.. you are here, in the Great Hall, by yourself." He looked at her as a plate appeared before him, filled with some of the best foods in the wizarding world. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to eat, and anyone who knew him would have asked if he was sick. He nodded slowly, "That's true.." Perhaps she wasn't planning on being mean to him. He new her secret, so maybe now they could at least be civil? He wasn't going to get his hopes up on that matter, though. Looking at her carefully, Bill spoke quietly even though he was sure that they were alone, "That actually is a comfort. But finished your sentence. Please?"

"I wanted some time alone. My family... well let's just say there are few other skeletons in the closet you haven't seen yet," she told him with a weak smile. She didn't want to be mean to him. He didn't deserve it. Even if she knew this will have to escalate in another fight sooner or later if it meant to keep him away. When he asked her to finish her sentence she sighed and once again, checked if they were alone. "I hate muggles okay? And I have my reasons to do so, it's not only matter of being raised by death eater," she told him honestly. He could never really understand that. He probably never met muggle in his life. At least not to the point where they would know each other.

Bill frowned slightly, wondering if he should leave her alone. He didn't want to ask as much because that would show that he cared. He refused do that, because it was very unlikely that she felt anything but distain for him. He was too proud to have her know how much he actually cared. He wasn't overly surprised when she said that she hated muggles. Bill, himself, had never really had much to do with non magical people but he knew that his family wasn't the type to dislike or like anyone based purely on their blood. "Why do you hate them..?"

Again, Misha checked if nobody was around, before she looked at Bill again. "My mum was born to a muggle father and a witch. He, my precious filthy muggle grandfather, turned out to be a witch hunter. He forced my mum to hide with my grandma. My grandma became sick and died when mum was only eleven, forcing her to hide she was basicaly an orphan and take care of herself," Misha started, clearly disgusted by the mention of her grandfather. "My dad first saved my mum, when she was almost raped by another muggle, when she ran from the wizarding World into muggle one, since the fact she was a witch was for her a reason why she ended up without parents and hated by her father. After that, she had abusive boyfriend. Again, filthy muggle," she continued, not sure why she was telling him all this. She never tell this to anyone.

"Thing you have to understand about my mum, she is amazing witch, but incredibly weak and unlucky when it comes to love. It was muggles who made her weak and hurt. It was them who sent her to the arms of my dad. My own grandfather is running around the world and his only thought is to kill my mum, kill me. I won't let that happen," she finished leaving out whole relationship her parents had.

Bill didn’t want to interrupt her when she was opening up to him. So he simply sat and listened to her speak. Her words didn’t make him hate muggles, but it made him understand why she did. He didn’t believe that condemning a whole group of people due to the acts of a few was right, though. It would be like muggles hating wizards because of the ones that attacked muggles. Urgh! He was confusing himself.

“Misha..” he started, though he didn’t really know what to say. It made him anger, that there was somebody out to get Misha and her family, but he didn’t know if he could say that. He didn’t want her to push him away again, although he was sure that was inevitable. “He wants to kill you and your mother just because you are both magical?”

"He is a witch hunter, that's what they do," she said with a bitter smirk. "We stopped being his family, well mum stopped being his family, the moment she made her doll fly across the room on her seventh birthday," she added carelessly. She wanted her grandfather dead. And she wanted to give muggles a reason why hate wizarding society. She wanted at least one satisfaction for her mum in her miserable life. "And let's be honest, my dad wasn't exactly prize in the lottery for my mum as well," she added just by the way as she took another bite from her piece of meat. "Well, enough of cheerful conversation, any particular reason why you are here so early? As far as I know, you have pretty much normal and annoying noisy family to be with," she tried to change topic somewhere else.

“I know.. but I still don’t understand. Isn’t that just as bad as wizards who attack muggles?” It was, and he knew it. Not all muggle were good, and not all wizards were bad. It had to be frustrating, though. Having someone who is supposed to love you hate you instead. “What has your dad done wrong?” He asked, even though he probably shouldn’t have.

Bill smiled and shook his head. He didn’t mind her changing the subject if she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “Annoying, perhaps. Normal, definitely not. Honestly? I’m back early to get a head start on school work.”

"My dad is basicaly Death Eater number one, twisted psychopath and cannibal. My mum was and I think in a way still is a muggle lover, with high sense for justice and kind of bad luck. Do you honestly believe they ended up together out of pure love?" she asked him, hint of bitter amusement in her voice. She never really talked about her parents to anyone. But she knew her mum was just a mission for her dad. That he somehow fell in love with her in the end was pure accident. "Such a little Ravenclaw you carry in your heart," she teased him.

“I wouldn’t know. I mean, I’m pretty sure that my parents did. I’ve never really observed anyone else’s together before,” he said honestly. He’d hardly even associated with Misha’s father, let alone both of her parents. Bill looked around again, before his eyes settled on her, “Are things better now, do you think?” He knew that it wasn’t really any of his business, but he wanted to ask anyway. She's already shared a lot more than she'd probably planned, so what was the harm in asking? He laughed out loud at her words, but nodded anyway, “I’d rather be an intelligent Gryffindor than a stupid one.”

"My mum was just a mission Bill. In eyes of dark lord, she was meant to be broken and used," Misha explained to him, amused a bit more about lack of his knowledge. "And if you mean things between them? In a way, yes. But my mum is a good person. And I inherited caring personality after her. I crashes with my dad's brutality in my heart," she admited, giving away the reason why she was always meant to be as she herself said, deeply unhappy person. "You know, sometimes I like the way you think," she teased him with a smile. "Bill? Thanks," she finished with genuine smile.

Bill frowned again, “That’s pretty horrible..” He didn’t want to offend Misha, but surely even she recognised how wrong it was for her father to see another human being that way. It wasn’t that he was naive, he simply believed in equality and more to the point treating others like people not animals. “That must be hard. But we all have a bit of bad in us,” he said, though he was sure that she had a harder time than others. Especially if she both loved and hated the way that she was. “Ah, you finally see that I'm not as dumb as you've always made out?” he said, smiling again, “You’re welcome, Misha.”

Misha chuckled darkly. "You clearly never saw death eater family," she commented, still amused. "You have no clue how dark can people be. As school gossip girl, I know things you wouldn't believe. You have no idea how much evil we are surrounded by every day in here," she told him the truth. "And I always knew you are not dumb. I just need you to stay away, that's all. Now you know why," she said admiring his smile. Why him? "This secret, I just pretty much gave you weapon to destroy me and my whole family in matter of seconds," she admitted, feeling suddenly ashamed of herself for doing this.

Bill shrugged, “Not really. I’ve never really had the chance. Although, in all honesty I’ve probably seen plenty of them. I simply didn’t know that they were Death Eaters.” The Gryffindor wondered what evils she was referring to. There was plenty of evil in the world, which he already knew, but he didn’t know that there was any at Hogwarts itself. It was a school, for goodness sake. “So.. is all of the mean stuff you’ve said to me a front? Some of the more recent things have seemed pretty serious,” he said, thinking to himself about how much of a relief it would be to know that she didn’t really mean the things she’d said. Her next words Bill knew were coming. He actually wondered why she had even told him such things, but she couldn’t very well take them back now. “That’s the thing. It’s a secret. And you know Gryffindors.. we hold everything in our honour and I gave you my word.” He meant his words, though he smiled slightly at the stereotype that he’d used.

"You told me I am going to hell and going to be all alone, because I deserve it. When you look at it now, knowing all the secrets, what do you think those words did to me? All I said was to get back at you the same way. Of course you didn't know, but than again, I was upset. From all the things you could have said, this one was the one that truly hurt," she explained to him. Of course she deserved what he said. But hearing from him, it was simply hard. "It brought me down, I was weak, I didn't have... you know... for a long time. It leaves traces," she admited her mistake.

“I would never has said those things had I known,” Bill said quietly, a bit ashamed of himself. “I know I’ve been a right asshole, but that doesn’t mean I like to hurt people. Even those who I hate,” he smiled slightly as he spoke. If he’d known what he did now, he’d have never said things like he did. Although, she had said her fair share of cruel things to him over the years, but still. “So you don’t hurt people at school? Like.. students?” It was a serious question, but he kept his smile in place.

Misha chuckled. "Do you really think, that if I was just running around, hurting people, I would wait for christmas break to get out of the castle to eat?" she asked him, slightly amused. Misha usually didn't harm people for no reason. And this wasn't a war. "I am capable of terrible things, you saw that yourself. But even if I was careless bitch, I am still clever. Even if sometimes there is part of me that wants to hurt someone, I won't. Either because I care too much for myself and my family and I don't want to risk. Or because I care too much for the victim," she finished seriously, looking right into his eyes, reminding him of how she refused to stab him when Dec asked her to.

“I suppose not..” he said, thinking that her words were pretty obvious. But of course, he still had to ask. To make sure that he wasn’t in love with a complete psycho. Fuck, there is was again. He hated that it keep popping up in his thoughts. He wanted to forget all about it, but he couldn’t. “Well.. I guess you have a point,” he said, feeling his face heat up slightly as he realised what the look she gave him was for. She had decided not to hurt him, even though the opportunity was there for her.

"We are in deep shit, Bill Weasley, I hope you realize it," she sighed after few seconds of silnce between them. "So, tell me. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I love Dec, my life is... well, you know, and then, there is you. What am I supposed to do with you?" she finished, whispering. She was hopeless. Was she meant to be mean to him once again? He didn't deserve it and she knew it. But what was she supposed to do? He couldn't be close to her. For his own sake.

“I know..” he said, knowing exactly what she meant. She had to keep her secret a secret and now he knew it. Bill wanted to reach out for her hand be he didn’t want her to pull it away. He didn’t think that he could handle that. He looked down at the table and let out a breath. He didn’t want for them to go back to how they were. “I don’t understand why we can’t be friend, Misha. Nobody needs to know that I know what I know,” he chewed on his lower lip and looked at her carefully.

"It's not about what you know, Bill," Misha said, having hard time to say those words out loud. "When you hang out with dark people, bad things happen to you," she added. She didn't want to risk he will become target for someone. Dec was bastard from nature. There was nothing she could screw up with him. But with Bill, there was simply too much that could happen. "It's a drug. The darkness. You hang around those people, you grow distant to others, you become target for some. Your life becomes colder and wilder. And coming back... it doesn't happen often," she tried to explain.