I'm Titanium (Bill)

How did they say they were doing it? Those strong women who seemed to be bulletproof? Those her mum and dad told Misha about so many times? How much pain they carry? Misha didn't know. But for now, she felt like playing one of them. She put on her high heels and slowly walked to forrest, her face not giving away a single emotion. She heard this way Morana Gaunt often carried herself. Or women like Dellen Lestrange, Amelia Grindelwald. So, she tried it. She had tight jeans and shirt, highly uncomfortable boots and walked forrest, alone in silence. That was where she belong after all. Even Weasley told her, right? She didn't give a damn about danger she could be in. Suddenly, when she felt like it, she simply fell on the ground, like dead, staring up into nowhere, trying to clear her mind.

Bill had been given the job of collecting a few different plants from the Forbidden Forrest. It wasn't the most pleasant of jobs, but somebody had to do it. Not to mention that the house points he may gain if he was lucky would be a huge bonus. He was almost finished with the list of things that he was supposed to gather when he heard a noise. Usually, he would have just continued, but this was the forrest that was forbidden for a reason. He carefully placed the box on the ground and drew his wand.

He walked toward the place where he heard the noise, and when he entered some kind of clearing he frowned. Bill could see somebody laying on the ground, but he couldn't make out who it was. It was too dark in the forest. He had his wand pointed at the ground, but it was ready for if the person was hostile. He stayed on the outskirts of the cleared area, and called out, "Hello?"

Misha felt urge to smirk and shout with frustration at once. In the forbidden forrest, from all the people, of course it was him. But she didn't want to catch his attention, she want him to just go away. Maybe he thinks it was an animal and goes away for his own safety. Maybe. So she lied there, without a single movement, like if she was dead, breathing only slightly she she wasn't caught by ears of those, who could hear everything. And she wished somehow, she was dead for real in that moment. After all, she would be alone anyway. Just like she was told. So, why couldn't God show her mercy and swing it alredy?

Bill couldn't tell who it was, and they didn't seem interested in responding. He moved a bit closer, and realised that the person was laying very still. Were they dead? His gut told him that there was no danger, that he should just go and make sure that the person was okay. His head, on the other had had him place his hand over the blade that he kept hidden in his belt. He walked closer still, and he noticed that it was a female. As he approached, Bill sighed. It was Misha. Why was she everywhere?

He thought of the promise that he made himself and was going to continue back to the box of plants and carry on his way. However, before he could he realised that she still hadn't moved. Surely she would have yelled at him to 'go to hell' or something. Against his better judgement, or even is spite of it, he moved even closer and said plainly, "Are you alive?"

Misha sighed. He couldn't just leave. No. Never. He had to continue ruining her life. "Sadly, I still am, you will have to wait a little longer before I get to that hell part," she said. She wanted him to go away. She wanted the world to leave her alone. Her voice was tired from last two nights she spent at home, crying in her mother's arms, hoping her dad won't hear her. Her eyes were rounded by black circles, from both, lack of sleep and mascara. Misha felt stronger depression, than ever before. And she had no clue how to get out. All she wanted was to lie here till she dies and probably continue lying even after that. As a ghost. Alone. Just like she deserved.

Bill felt a surprising amount of relief when he heard the girl's voice. He would have thought that his mind would have been at ease, and then he could leave. But no, he couldn't stop himself from going over to her. Her eyes were surrounded by black circles. It was easy to tell that she had been crying. He fleetingly wondered if it had been about him, but then he told himself that it can't have been. He wasn't important enough to her for it to be that. Rather than leave like he should have, he looked down at her and said with more of a mocking tone than he would usually use., "What's wrong with you?"

"Why do you care?" she asked him, her voice somehow cold, distant and deep down, hurt. "So I could spill my heart to you and you could laugh at me? Do me a favour. Go away. Live your perfect little life and try, for once, don't give a fuck about me," she told him, still looking somewhere above her, searching for the sky that couldn't be seen over the trees.

Bill couldn't answer her. Because the problem was that he did care, but he didn't know why. It wasn't because they were friends, and he couldn't even say that it was because she'd never done anything to hurt him because that was a lie. There was something else that his head wanted to say, but he wouldn't even let himself think of it, let alone consider it as an actual possibility. He just wanted to know what was bothering her and even though he tried to talk himself out of it, he crouched down so that he was closer to her lever, "I'm not going to laugh at you. I just want to know that you're okay." He smiled slightly and added, "And trust me, my life isn't perfect."

"Does it look like I am okay?" she asked, still not looking at him. What was she supposed to say? That nothing is okay? And that it is mainly his fault, because of how he hurt her two days ago? As if he cared. And even if he did, what change would it be if she told him. She laughed bitterly at his statement. "Comparing to my life, everyone has a perfect one... almost," she added bitterly and finally looked at him. "What do you want me to say, Bill? That I am sorry, for what I told you? That the kiss was nothing? That I am so annoying towards you because it's fun? Well, I am not sorry. You are neither. That kiss left me confused as hell and the more it hurt everytime you said something you yourself wouldn't even consider as bad as it was. And I am not a bitch because it's fun. I am a bitch towards you, because I want you to go away," she said and for a moment felt terrible fear that he will listen to her and really leave. She didn't want him to. She only knew it was for the best.

Of course it didn't look like she was okay, but that wasn't what he had meant. He wanted her to talk to him, although he had no idea why she would. Bill didn't know what to say, but he didn't want to just leave her there. "No, you don't look okay," he answered plainly, looking at her with a blank expression. He wondered what was so wrong with her life, and he already knew that there was more to her than he knew. But he also knew that there was almost no chance that she would tell him anything. "I just want you to tell me what's wrong," the words fell from his lips before he could stop them. He didn't want for her to think that he was sorry for what he'd said, but he didn't want to be a heartless asshole either. When she said that she wanted him to go away, he knew he should have done it. But instead he stayed crouched near her and waited for her to answer him whether it be good or badly.

She made hopeless laugh. "What's wrong? Everything is wrong. I am wrong," she said, but couldn't continue to explain why she said that. He would not only leave for good, but also her family would be in danger. And nobody would ever look at her differently than as a monster. "I can't tell anyone," she whispered. "And I don't want the World to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am..." she hummed a muggle song, looking up above into nowhere again. She was wrong. She was bad person. How could Bill ever understand? How could anyone? If she didn't count Dec or Mal, they were twisted themselves enough to know. But normal people? They would lock her up. Or maybe kill right away. She didn't deserve to be cared for.

"I wouldn't tell anyone.." Bill didn't know what to do. Obviously there was something serious that she was hiding and he wanted to help her. Even if it was just for the moment. He sighed and sat down onto the ground, not caring if he ends up covered in dirt and leaves. He listened as she hummed, and frowned. There was a lot more to Misha Salander than he knew, and he didn't know how to feel about that.

"How can you know? You have no idea who I am. Nobody does," she told him, still amused by how ridiculous this situation was. "I am hiding from those who don't know, I am hiding even from those who do know. As you said, I am a terrible person and I deserve to rot in hell," she said more than she should and she knew it. But in that moment, maybe she needed it. At least this few moments of something. "Bill? Did you kiss me, because you feel something for me?" she asked him hosnetly and looked at him, for the second time today.

"Of course I don't know who you are," he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He had never given her the time of day, right from the start, and she hadn't done the same for him. How could either of them know a thing about each other apart from the words that they spat out during their fights. "You know that I didn't really mean that, right?" he said quietly, having not realised that she even listened to the things that he said, let alone remembered them. At her next words he froze. He bit hit lip and thought about that question, before answering. "I.. I don't know."

"It doesn't matter if you meant them or not. And how am I supposed to know that? Do you think I meant what I said last time?" she said with dark, bitter chuckle. "You can't kiss me again, Bill. Not only because of Dec. There are too many reasons why we have to stay enemies. No matter what I tell you here. We can lie here together and be civil and honest with each other. But once this is over, we have to stay enemies," she told him and hoped the sadness in her voice wasn't as clear as it sounded in her head. She wished they could be friends. She wished she could tell him everything. Or at least about her feelings towards him, with which she was still completely unclear as well. She wished she could just hold his hand for now. But it was impossible.

"Yes! I do think that you meant what you said," he said, not meaning to sound so childish. But he was sure that she had meant what she had said about his family, but he didn't really care anymore. He knew that his family was safe, at least for now, so there was nothing for him to worry about. He looked at his hands as she told him about where they had to stand. He knew that she was right, even if he didn't know why. Something told him that he shouldn't ask her, but he did anyway. "Why? What if I don't want to hate you anymore?" He didn't know if that was the case or not, but he did know that he wanted to be able to chose for himself.

She laughed again. Sadly, hopelessly. "Even if you didn't want to now, you would want to hate me once you would know. And you would hate me for sure. And I wouldn't be able to handle that, knowing it could be better," she told him. It was selfish, she knew. But it was for the best. To protect her alredy broken heart, she had to take care of herself somehow. Even by being selfish. "I liked you, you know? Since the day we met. You were my biggest crush first two years you were here. That's why I was so mean to you," she told him honestly. She knew it now, though it was hard for her to admit even to herself.

Bill didn't know what could possibly be that bad. He decided that he would ask one last time and then let it go, "How much more could I hate you than I have in the past?" It was true, although he was starting to think that he probably hasn't hated her like he thought. But he hadn't dislike anybody before as much as he had her. He sighed, not sure how else he could get it out of her, and on the same token he didn't want to force it out of her. He leaned back with a sigh, and walked the trees move, although he wasn't really paying attention. His jaw dropped, however, when she spoke again. He was about to laugh and brush her off, but he couldn't even make a noise. A crush on him? That wasn't possible. "Are you serious?" he asked, his tone neutral. He wondered if he'd had a crush on her as well. He could really tell, but he did not something else. "I was mean to you at the beginning because I thought that you believed I wasn't good enough to talk to."

"What is the worst thing about person, what would make you hate the person you even love. What would that person have to do to makke you hate her instantly?" Misha asked, searching for an honest answer. Not like there washope for her. She ate people! And she couldn't really stop with it. And she was a death eater girl. What could possibly be worse, than this combination? "Of course I am serious. You were too much worth my time. Fighting with you was the only way to keep you close yet far away at the same time," she said with laugh. Boys really couldn't see obvious sometimes.

Bill didn't know what she was talking about and maybe he didn't want to. But he was a curious person, and she was becoming more of a mystery by the minute. He didn't know what the worst thing that anybody could do would be. Threatening his family was definitely high on the list, but he knew that she hadn't been planning on doing them any harm. What she talking about him specifically, or about people in general? Deciding that she couldn't possibly be asking about his thoughts specifically, for what did she care about what he believed, he answered, "That depends on the person. I think that the worst thing that someone could do for an Auror would be to become a dark wizard, where as for a dark wizard, the worst thing might be a snitch. I don't know, Misha.." He wondered what she could have possibly done that could make her ask such questions.

Yet again, Bill was stunned into silence by her words. He simply lay there, looking up at nothing in particular. It was true, that it had always been difficult for him to be away for her too long. More than anything, it was because he couldn't help but start an argument with her if he saw her around the school. "Fighting with you became the highlight of Hogwarts for me quite some time ago," he decided was the best thing to say. He didn't know how he felt, but he did know that much was true.

"I was not asking for generalities, Bill. Nor for other people. I meant you, what would make you hate someone instantly. Even if you loved the person before," she told him, but didn't really expect the answer. There probably wasn't enough imagination for him to even come up with something at least close to who she was. Out of her pocket, she pulled out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling and exhaling deeply. "Want some?" she asked him casualy. "And I am flattered. At least in fights I am worth something," she added with bitter sarcasm and continued smoking. "They say it is easy to get killed in here. You know what? I spent my entire childhood in this forrest and the most dangerous thing that ever happened to me was, when centaur wanted to play cards with me," she said, not really sure why.

Bill didn't know how to answer. For one, he couldn't figure out why she even cared what would make him hate someone so much. He bit his lip and let out a breath, "Well, I guess that I could never forgive anyone if they hurt my family? Have you hurt my family, Misha?" He said, somewhat unsure if that was the answer that she wanted to hear. His eyebrow rose slightly as she pulled out a cigarette. He had never tried smoking before, and he should have said no. But he figured that he might as well try it here rather than in front of people. Then he could be sure he didn't like it. "Sure..." he said, holding out his hand and taking the smoke. He sucked lightly on its end and pulled a face, "That's horrible! What do you even like about it?" He had noticed that the mood had lightened significantly, and he smiled at her words about the forest, "I would have loved to see that.."

"I never hurt anyyone from your family," Misha replied with closed eyes and inhaled the digarette once again, holding it in for a few seconds before letting the smoke out. She felt so tired, yet she doubted she would be able to sleep even if she actually tried to. "Because it kills me," she replied on his other question about cigarettes. "As Alaska Young would say, what you must understand about me is, that I am deeply unhappy person. I smoke to die," she explained but somehow was aware it was more like another unknown piece of puzzle to him. Nobody knew Misha. Not fully anyway.

"Well, that's good to know," he said, a dry smile rested upon his face. He had already known that she hadn't hurt the people that he cared about the most, as it would have been hard for him not to have known if she had. Bill frowned at her response. Did she actually mean that? He kind of hoped that she was joking, although it was a pretty sick joke if she was. "Why do you want to die?" He asked plainly, sure that he probably wouldn't be getting much information out of her. That didn't mean that he wouldn't try, though. He wondered if she really was that unhappy.

"Because I am a mistake, Bill. I am a prove of something terrible," she said simply. She couldn't tell him her family secrets. She couldn't tell him anything. And yet, in that moment she really wanted to. "I am not playing mystery because it's fun. I am doing it, because it's the only way, just... trust me on this okay?" she gave him a weak smile before she pulled out another cigarette and lit it again. Still looking at him, she could see the beauty in him. He was handsome boy, growing into even more handsome man. He was clever for sure. And Misha could bet they shared their interrest for books. She could imagine his hands holding her. His lips on hers once again. With that thought, she closed her eyes again and shaked her head. Thank Rowena he cannot read thoughts.