The Devil Within (Bill, M)

Misha spent last two hours walking around the forrest nearby London, waiting for the first human being that passes her. She hated to do this. She hated herself for being who she was. But she needed this. She needed raw human flesh right now. It was her last option how to get her balance and control over herself back again. Her eyes were clearly tired, red from many tears and sleepless nights, her black mascara circling them in order to hide that actually caused her pain for being at places that needed to rest and heal. But she didn't care. Her depression hit the lowest point again. And she could do only one last thing to fix it. At least for a while.

"Miss? Are you okay miss?" Young man, probably in his twenties, asked her as he approached her from behind. He was a muggle, she could tell. One thing her mum always taught her, was to recognize muggles from witches and wizards. "No, I am not. But I will be," she told him, her voice husky and tired, full of sadness and also a bloodlust as she quickly slit his throat with her dagger. "Not even sorry, you filthy muggle," she hissed as she kneeled next to him and watched him slowly die as the blood was leaving his body. She knew this move too well. She knew if you do it quickly and precisely, the victim cannot shout anymore.

She touched his neck, getting few drops of still warm blood on her fingers, she licked them. After that, she took her dagger and torn the man's chest, tearing out piece of his flesh, taking a bite with unexplainable feeling of sudden pleasure. How much she needed to do this.

Bill had been wandering for hours. He wouldn't have been surprised if his mother would be sending out a search party for him soon. Thankfully, he had told her that he would probably be out for some time and not to worry. He wasn't exactly sure where he was, but he did know the way home. The place was nice, although it was very quiet. He wondered whether or not he should head home, but he stopped when he heard voices.

The voice was quiet, but he would have recognised it anywhere. He should have kept walking, but he figured that he could just check and see that she was alright as he'd heard a man's voice before hand. Bill slowly walked toward where the voice came from and stood far enough away that they wouldn't see him. He was frozen in place as he watched Misha Salander cut a young man's throat. He wanted to yell out to her, but his throat felt temporarily closed off.

Bill's stomach began to turn at her next action, and he felt like he was going to be sick. Was she fucking crazy? He stepped forward a bit, seriously concerned for his own safety. He opened his mouth, closed it and swallowed before blurting out, "What the hell are you doing?"

Misha froze on a spot. Of course of all people, he will be the one to appear here and see everything. She rolled her eyes before she slowly turned to face him. Her lips covered in man's blood, piece of his flesh still in her hand. "What does it look like I am doing, Weasley?" she asked him high and drunk from the darkness that temporarily consumed her. "I am eating dead filthy muggle, that's what I am doing," she said, deadly calm. Well, if nothing, at least now he knew what she meant by being a bad person, right?

Bill didn't know what to say or how to react. He really wished that he wasn't such a curious person, as that way he wouldn't have had to see what had just happened. But he was a curious person and he had seen. Misha had always seemed so sweet, even though she had been a bitch lately. In fact, she was frequently a bitch to him, but to everyone else she was the epitome of kindness. Yet there she was with warm blood in her mouth and a piece of a young man's flesh in her hand. She had told him that she was a bad person, but he's have never actually believed that she was a bad person. All that he could manage was a sharp, "I'm not blind!"

She narrowed eyebrow at him with slight amusement. "Good for you," she replied. "Well, on the other hand, now that you did see, what am I supposed to do with you? Because I am certainly not going to have you running around, telling everyone about my family eating habits and beliefs. You see, not really a good thing to say about groundkeeper of Hogwarts and his daughter, right?" she said as she got up and went closer to him. "So..." she said, dagger in one hand, wand in the other one. "I never wanted to hurt you, Bill. I actually begged Dec to leave you alone and stop forcing me into it even if that could seriously cost me my relationship. But, as I said, I cannot have you telling this to anybody," she hissed, close to his face. Only her eyes could betray her cold face. Her eyes always betrayed her. They clearly showed how much Misha hated herself for who she was.

Bill thought that she was being pathetic again. She had just murdered a man for nothing more than a light meal, and she was making out that he had done the wrong thing by being there. The boy wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing, and even though Misha was walking toward him with both of her hands armed, he was not afraid of her. He knew where his wand was and he knew where there was a knife in his belt that could be of great use if things got dirty. But for now he was sure that she wasn't much of a thread. "Just because I think that I just witnessed the most disgusting thing on the planet, does not mean I'm going to tell anybody. I'd also like to point out that I had no way of knowing about the rest of your family. All I saw was you eating that poor bloke's insides."

He didn't particularly want to fight, but he was sick of having people walking all over him and making out that he was weak and they were almighty. It wasn't his fault that he would rather not fight than to do so. He ran a hand through his hair before saying, "Put that fucking knife away before you hurt someone."

Misha looked at him, slightly confused. She certainly didn't expect this reaction from him at all. "As you see, somebody alredy got hurt," she pointed out, but put her dagger away, leaving only a wand in her hand. "So, you just witnessed, as you called it, the most disgusting thing, and you are not going to tell anybody?" she asked him, not sure if she heard correctly. "Can you tell me something? How do you do this? How come you are everywhere lately? I told you I am the worst person, but you simply have some weird desire to see everything. Are you happy now?" she asked him, kind of hopeless from the whole situation. "So yes, I am a cannibal, a death eater daughter, I ended up in Ravenclaw only because I wanted to. And I like who I am and hate it in the same time. Here you go, live with it. Meet me every fucking day in the school and watch me with disgust. At least now you know why I kept you away. And I bet this wasn't what you wanted to know at all," she told him the truth, not hiding anything. Almost.

"That is what I just said," he said stonily, a bit confused himself. Why wouldn't he tell anybody? It would have been the right thing to do, and perhaps save a number of seemingly innocent lives. But still, he was certain that he wasn't going to tell. "I have no idea.. I truly wish that I wasn't coming across you all of the time." .. at least not when you are consuming a dead muggle, he added in his head.

Bill listened to her speak and in the end, the only response that he could give was, "You're not disgusting..."

She looked at him, absolutely confused and unsure how to react. "For once, I have to admit, you absolutely stole the words from my mouth," she admitted, because she had no clue how to response to that. "Are you in shock or something? Because seriously, the only thing even more strange than this approach would be, that you would want to join me," she said even if deep inside, she felt happy he didn't find her disgusting. She stood there, waiting for his questions or any kind of reaction before she looked down for a moment, just to look into his eyes again. "I cannot change, I can't stop doing this. Even if you saw me," she said.

Bill let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew that he had to stay focused, and answer her questions. He wondered if he was in shock, and that why he was so calm. Looking at Misha, he didn't think so. It was because he couldn't have her stung out as a cannibal death eater. She may have an evil side, but she was too sweet to lose everything. STOP THINKING! The logical voice in his mind yelled, knowing that he couldn't be thinking that way about her. No, he wasn't going to tell anyone, but he couldn't be seeing her as he had been. Because now he would admit that he had softened toward her. That had to change now.

"The only reason that I won't tell, is because I know that you'll probably kill me unless I promise that I won't." Lie. "I'm disgusted at what you are doing.. but that doesn't make you disgusting." Truth. "I cannot understand what would have made anyone begin doing such a thing, but I'm sure that you have your reasons." Another truth.. kind of. He couldn't see any reason why anybody would do such a thing. Was it a religious thing? Was she a part vampire? He didn't know, but he wasn't going to just blurt out any of the things that were spinning inside of his mind without thinking them through.

"You liar," she teased him with slight smile. "I was raised this way, Bill. There is no deeper meaning to who I am, than this one," she added her explanation. "You see, human flesh, it's like a drug. Once you come to taste it, to like it, there isn't exactly a way back. Good person or not. I grew up on human flesh. Not eating it for long makes me wreck you met in the forrest. It makes me weak, easy to bring down. It makes bearing all this much more harder," she explained to him. Or at least tried to.

Bill returned her smile, but quickly wiped it from his face. He wanted to say that her parents were absolutely crazy, but he wouldn't. Family was a sore spot for him, and he would never bring up another person's family. It was sad in its own way, that she had to do what he'd just witnessed. He couldn't hate her for something that she didn't exactly have control over.

It went against everything that he believed to accept what Misha had told him, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't bring himself to think differently. It was her. Anyone else he would have condemned before they even had the chance to speak, but not her. His head was spinning a bit, and it wasn't because of the presence of the blood. No, it was because standing there with all of the brutality still dwelling in his mind, he realised that he was in love with Misha Salander.

Bill felt dizzy, and he took a few steps backward and muttered, "I have to go," before turning around and walking away as quickly as he could.

Misha only nodded at his words and looked down so she didn't have to watch him leaving. "I'm sorry," she whispered into the groud, pretty sure he couldn't hear it. She wished he didn't hate her for what she was. She wished she was different, she wanted everything to be different. Because that way, maybe, they could find a way to be at least friends. But he was simply too far away for her to reach him. She signed and wiped away one single tear she didn't even notice before. With that, she turned back to the dead muggle, she had dinner to finish after all...