When The Past Comes Knocking (Rab)

Zoya swallowed as she walked through the cold corridors. It wasn't just the cold, although that was unsettling enough by itself, it wasn't even the presence of dementors, even though they seemed to stare at her through their heavy cloaks waiting for a slip so they could feat. Uh Zoya, happy thoughts! She thought, slightly in panic. She thought back to the years with Rab, him teasing her, her playing pranks, him trying to get her out of her trouble. Keep her safe. He always tried to keep her safe. And what did I do? And that thought, was the root of her trouble. The reason why she felt so small. The reason why she wouldn't have minded even if the dementors dragged her soul out, because some of it had already died.

Visibly wincing at some of the rantings coming through the walls, Zoya slowed down her pace, reluctantly walking up to his cell. Beside her, the dementors stirred, sensing her misery and feeding on it. The knowledge quickened her pace slightly but only slightly. She didn't want to see him. Even if she had spent weeks tracking him down after her return from America, even if he was the first person from her old life she would be seeing, even if she wanted nothing more than to meet him. The reason was, that the man waiting at the end of her journey wasn't him. He wasn't her Rab. Her best best friend. He was a shell, and she wondered if he would remember her. She wondered if she wanted him to remember her.

Before she could reach a decision, she reached her destination. The dementor drew a water mottled hand out, adjusting the robe so she couldn't see it. The brief flash was revolting enough. The door drew open and Zoya's apprehension grew, and the dementors stirred again, sensing the change in her emotions.

"Hey."

Rabastan was sitting on the cold ground for hours now. Maybe days, he didn't really know. It was probably cloudy outside, which meant he had no clue what time it was, or if it was at least a day or night. He hated winters in Azkaban. It always caused him losing track over the time. So he just sat there, eyes closed. He wondered how his two girls are doing. Sometimes, he was thinking if it was a good decision to give his little Lilith to Kain, but in the end, he couldn't really bring himself to regret it. She belonged where he and Katrina did after all.

As he heard his cell being unlocked, he felt something like slight surprise. If he remembered correctly. After all, his cell has been locked for more than a decade now. But still, he was too weak to actually try something. Did they come to kill him now? After all these years? He was pretty sure this would be rather pathetic ending, given the fact that Black would have first row to watch him die. The thought, for some reason, made Rabastan chuckle darkly. His harsh and dark voice making a sound in empty corridors before he finally looked towards the door, just to see a familiar silhouette. How long has it been? Rabastan was sure it didn't matter. He would never forget her. Zoya, always smiling, slightly crazy, his Zoya. His sun in the darkest days. He wondered if all this was just a dream.

"Okay, this is sick twisted joke even for me," he finally spoke, humorless laugh in his words. His voice even darker and harsher, from the lack of using it. "Not that most of your illusions aren't fun, but this is a bit too much," he added. Zoya wasn't there. She couldn't be. She was gone. Safe.

His reaction hit her worse than she expected. The cold, harsh laugh was the beginning of a train wreck, ending with her heart mangled and in pieces. He remembered, and he refused to believe that she was really here. Oh Rab, have I been gone for so long that you don't even trust me to visit? The thought made her choke up a little inside, adding to the swirling mixture of guilt, nostalgia, regret and sadness. Maybe it was the atmosphere, maybe it was the effort she had made to find him that drained her, maybe it was just him, but all Zoya wanted to do was curl up in his arms and hope that he would comfort her. Like old times.

But its not the same anymore......, Blinking, she brought herself out from her memories and smiled ruefully, determined to his cheeriness in this cold, dark place she had a hand in sending him. Yes, she truly believed that all the things she had heard about him, she could have modified. She could have kept  him sane and that she didn't stick around to do it, was a burden she would carry for the rest of her life. "You better wish I am an illusion jackass, because I have some serious issues to bring to your notice." She countered, mock glaring at him as she crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"So the food at your wedding was that bad?" She demanded, joking that the only reason he could possibly have for not inviting her to his wedding was that the food, her first love, had been so bad that it could never match up to her standards. If only it were really that simple. "And let's not bring up your daughters because that might get you beaten up. Badly. And I am serious, I picked up some real muscles throwing off NYC muggers." Striking a ridiculous 'threatening' pose, she felt like she was really back in her old life. And it never hurt so much as it did now.

She was an illusion! She had to be! It was impossible she would be there, at this dark place. But when she spoke, as if she didn't change at all, grown up now, beautiful smile on her lips as always. Talking about food. How much he loved her back then. Things he never told her, because she deserved better. Love of his life that could never be. He got up, heavy chains holding his wrists, he approached her and looked into her eyes. Was she really here? He lift his hand to gently touch her cheek, his movements slow, almost tired. But it wasn't lack of energy, only fear that made him move so slow. He was terrified now. Terrified she would disappear, when he touches her. And when she didn't, he felt pure joy from seeing her. Feeling he thought he forgot.

"Zoya," he said her name for the first time in years. Ever since she left, he never spoke of her again. Not because he forgot her, or because he was upset. It was because he missed her. Every single day and night he was thinking where she was, what was she doing, why she left and didn't say a word. Even if he couldn't blame her, he simply missed her. "How could I send an invitation, you didn't leave a single hint, where should I send it," he told her and brought himself to a weak, but genuine smile. He wasn't sure what she meant about his daughter, but he didn't care. In all the stuff he ever did, Zoya could pick anything and still would have full right to beat him up.

And then he touched her cheek and just like that Zoya lost all of her cheeriness and was back to choking back sobs. How could I do this to him? How could I just abandon him when he needed me so much? She hated her mother in that moment. Hated her for not being able to get over her father, hated that her mother couldn't find the courage to live in the same country as him, hated that she hadn't fought harder to stay here, hated that even though it was all her fault, she was blaming someone else. "That the best excuse you got? You owe me some serious grub." She grumbled, before crashing into him and drawing him into a hug.

She didn't cry, her misery was beyond it, but even in the depth of her sadness and regret, hugging him was the best she had felt for weeks. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the cold around, the chains bound to him and his too thin body. "I tried to send you owls you know, bloody transatlantic flights. Owls aren't built for so much endurance." She muttered, squeezing her eyes shut so that no tears escaped. Reluctantly, she pulled apart, flipping her hair back and trying to go back to being the Zoya he knew. She had to do it for him.

"Are you trying to say its my fault? Oh please. And you married before I could approve of the girl too! You violated my rights! I should sue you." She resumed, shaking her head in disappointment. "And really, what is up with you? It took me so long to track you down? Ever tried tracking people down in a country you haven't been in for 13 years, fighting a jet lag, and the Barmy Army? Bloody hell!" It was like she was meeting him at his house, and not in a prison, and he wasn't in chains. Zoya had always preferred the escape in fiction.

He couldn't help but chuckle again as she spoke. When she hugged him, he didn't expect it, but didn't protest either. He missed her so much and now she was back, in his arms. He forgot his chains for a bit, pulling her arms around her protectively, as if he wanted to save her from darkness of the place they were in. his fingers gently played with her hair as he listened to her words and her heartbeat as well, silent, enjoying her presence, just before she pulled away, which again, surprised him, but this time he didn't like it at all. But she continued speaking, so he let her finish. Smirk appeared across his face.

"You rights?" he asked, amused. For a moment, he felt like he wasn't in Azkaban at all. "Are you jealous or something? Wanted to be my bride instead?" he teased her and made a laugh. Its was still dark and harsh, yet genuine and somehow different. Before he continued talking, he grabbed her hand just to pull her towards him again, imprisoning her in his arms. "Not going anywhere for a bit, young lady. I actually might keep you with me here," he continued teasing her, this time with a whisper into her ear. "And I'm... well... it's not hard to guess what my life is like, is it. About my wife and my daughter you alredy know I take it. There is not much to tell otherwise," he added.

Zoya blinked at the connection he drew from her words but before she could answer, he pulled her back in his arms. An involuntary smile twisted up the ends of her lips which dipped slightly when she heard him laugh. It was still harsh, but it felt lighter somehow, different from the one she had heard as she entered. "I didn't say my conjugal rights, don't get your hopes up." She teased back, replaying his smirk from moments before. "No, I have to approve whether the girl is up to my standards and can match into our epic schemes and is pretty. of course, prettiness is very important you know?" She was babbling and it was stupid, but being near him made her heart act funny, especially when he leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"Is that really all, Head Boy?" She dragged the last words out, looking up smugly at him, as if pleased by the amount of detail she had managed to dig up on his life. There were parts that made her cringe, parts that made her wish she was here and not just in a guilty way, and the parts that made her laugh. "How much sucking up did you do to get that post? Wait, I don't want to hear about it." After a moment of contemplation, she changed her position and corrected, 'Ohkay give me a slight idea."

He laughed again. "Is that so? Never even for a bit thought it could be you?" he continued teasing her. Even if there was a bit of truth in all the words. At least from his side. "Oh she is pretty. Beautiful, clever and deadly," he said, a little bit more darkly, before he pulled an old photo out of his pocket where was him and Katrina in their seventh year together. "That was few months before the wedding. She never changed much. Not even Azkaban could take her beauty away," he added. He didn't see Katrina for a year, but he knew from Kain's reports, that she was alive and that was all he needed. His family was safe.

"Why are you asking when you know everything?" he asked her, amused. "Trust me, I have no clue how I earned that one. It was probably cause by the fact people still had me connected with Morgan. She was such a sweetheart. People always believed her. And her judgement," he explained thinking about woman he once loved. There was not much left in Rabastan. And he was sure Morgan would hate him now. But thought of her still lit the light in his eyes a bit from time to time. "I suppose you dug up the reason why I'm here as well?" he smirked, thinking about Longbottoms lying helplessly on the floor. He had so much fun that day. "Proud of me?" he teased. But this time, it was more his insanity talking.

"Woe be me!" Zoya cried out dramatically, pouting exaggeratedly as she relapsed in her drama queen avatar. It was her best defense, her fool proof method of deflecting questions on her exact feelings for him. "And I kept my feelings so hidden. Oh dear, oh dear, a shallow ruse you broke in mere seconds." She sighed deeply, looking hopelessly ridiculously as she stuck her lower lip out and widened her eyes. "Are you no gentleman that you taunt me so?" She scolded, not able to even able to complete the sentence fully before collapsing in a fit of giggles.

"I have been hit by some hardcore beauty." She remarked, blinking as she shot him a smirk. "Approved Rabby boy, you barely escaped." She teased , taking the picture from him and inclining her head as she studied it. He looked so normal in it, a far cry from the man standing before her. She wished she had been there, but she wondered if she could have seen him change.

"She was my role model, that girl had it made." And in no small part because she had been dating Rab at the time. She watched his eyes light up at her mention and felt something a bit like jealousy but no, mostly sadness. Sadness because she knew that in this place it was rare that he was so happy. She felt glad that she had made it happen, and then he ruined everything.

At his words Zoya drew back, or well, tried to because he still had her trapped in his arms. "You want me to answer that?" She had tried to make her voice cold but it sounded more like a miserable, pitiful squeak. "Why?" She asked quietly, getting her voice in control and closing her eyes, looking down so she didn't look at him. She didn't want to see the proof of what they said in his eyes. That he was insane and she feared she was too late to save him now.

He chuckled again as she tried to escape him embrance. Maybe wounded by prison, but Rabs was still strong. Maybe even more, then ever. At least physicaly. "Why what? Why I asked you or why I did it?" he asked, amused. He didn't feel anything for Longbottoms. He didn't care. He never did. There were a few people he always protected. Very few. The rest, Rabastan felt nothing towards the rest. But before Azkaban, most of the time he was hiding it behind his mask. That wise, always calm Rabastan was gone now. Far, far away. "Not like it can change anything. You know what I did, and let's face it, you know I enjoyed it, because that's just who I am. And yet, you still came," he added darkly, in whisper.

He could release her, but her refused to. Because he was no going to let her leave just yet. "I asked, because I wanted you to realize it. That no matter the monster I am in your eyes, you will still never leave," he told her honestly. He loved Zoya in a strange way he never loved anyone else. It was hard to describe. And he himself gave up on that long ago. "This is who I am now. More then ever."

"And why I did it?" he continued with another possible version of the question and shrugged. "Because I wanted to. Because it was fun," he answered to himself. "Because I never really cared for people. Not for anyone, but a few closest ones. Oh and then there is this part about mission or something I believe," he added with devilish, dark smirk on his lips. "And sure as hell I don't regret it," he added. He didn't lie. This was exactly how he felt about the whole thing. He never had any doubts about what he did. Despite the fact it was mostly serious crime he was talking about.

"Maybe I just came to see if you were alive." Zoya answered in a toneles voice, while inside his words were tearing her apart. Not just with the guilt, though there was a huge amount of that, but literally. Even when they had been at Hogwarts, spending time with Rab was technically a 'betrayal' of sorts to the side she was on. When she was young, she found it a bit ridiculous, refusing to look at what her best friend really was or what he might become. Now these words tore her apart in a far more literal sense. She was an auror, people like him were what she fought. Mug shots of death eaters like him adorned her cubicle wall, she planned day and night to lock people like him in this hideous place and yet, here she was. The first stop in her journey back to England had been him, here in this very hideous prison.

You will still never leave,

The words forced her to look back at him, to meet his eyes as her eyes plainly reflected the turmoil of emotions she felt, mixed in with a little self loathing. He was right, like always, she would never leave. As long as she lived, or rather, for the time before he managed to break out, she would come here to see him. The worst was, even when he spoke like this, when he equated torturing people till they go insane as a fun pastime, as if he talking about movies or something, she wanted more than anything that he got out. She was selfish enough, and she loathed herself for it.

"Is that what the rest of us are for you? Your playthings, not human beings?" She asked, bitterness seeping into her tone as she continued. "Well guess what, the Longbottoms? They did what I do. I am an auror Rabastan. Even right now, somewhere inside the twisted command structure of your sick organisation, people could be keeping tabs on me. Ready to eliminate, no wait.......its fun for you, not work right? Sorry, play with me till I go the same way." Her laugh was mocking, her apology a mockery. "Considered that?" She let her words sink in before she continued, "They might not have meant something to you, but to someone out there, they were their world, and you snatched it away and shattered it. Proud of what you did?"

He was looking at her, still clearly amused by her words, before he grabbed her harshly and turned around, so now her back was pressed against his chest. "Look around, my dear, sweet, innocent, beautiful Zoya," he began to whisper into her ear. "See it? The darkness, the dirt, the emptiness? Can you feel the insanity rising in your chest only after barely few minutes here with me, behind those bars? They are locked you know? Nobody is here to let you out again, so you can only pray, pray that they remember there is one of their precious aurors stuck in here, with the devil like me. And no matter what happens, even if they let you out, how long will it take till you come back? Just to see me again?" he asked her, his voice dark and twisted.

"All this, it's who I am, that's me, my soul, the heart in my chest you can now feel beating," he continued. "You are right, I don't care for people. I never did. Unless they were special to me. Like you, Katrina, Gaunt girls, Barty or Morgan. And of course, my little Lilith. But I can assure you there is no regret for things I did. There will never be," he added. When she spoke about his allies potentialy wanting to kill her, he smirked again.

"Don't you remember what I told you once? If it comes down to hunting you down, I'll make sure you will end up on the same side I am," he began and showed her now long inactive dark mark on his left forearm, "I wouldn't stop until you would bear the very same mark yourself. Because as much as you don't like it, the fact you care for me so much you came all the way here shows, that I can do it, if I really want. And there is no way I would lose you," he told her firmly, still whispering into her ear. "I'm insane and selfish and dark. And you cannot give up on me. Out of the two of us, who is actually in deep shit?" he finished releasing her, dark amusement still clearn in his face.

She knew exactly who was in trouble, and it sure as hell wasn't him. The sudden roughness in his demeanor didn't surprise her, but it hurt her all the same. "And if they don't let me out? What are you going to do with your dear, sweet, innocent, beautiful Zoya?" She mocked gasping a little because his grip was harsh. Even though challenging him was probably not the best idea at the moment she couldn't help it. Frustration was trumping over any guilt she felt, this wasn't how she wanted things to go. He had changed, but he was right. As fucking always.

"This isn't all you are Rab." She countered softly, even as her mind corrected it to 'were'. He might have been something more outside these walls, but in these chains, this was all he was, all he would ever be. Yet, Zoya wouldn't stop coming here. She wouldn't stop trying to make him something more. And she wouldn't stop failing.

At his words, she couldn't stop a laugh from escaping her, "Really? How exactly will you do that? You being here and everything." She hated to remind him of where he was, but his words hit something inside her and she had to lash out to stop him. "I came here for the Rabastan I knew, and he is dead. Why do you think I will come again?" Her question was a hollow one and she doubted he would deign it with an answer. "I will never turn to your sick, detestable side." She vowed, forcing her arm free and whirling around to face him. "And even if you do somehow manage to manipulate me, which I can assure you, you won't, you would never get me. The only thing that you will get, will be a sad broken shell and Zoya Morte doesn't do sad broken shells."

He smirked again as he, gently this time, help her chin in his big hand. "Always underestimating my power on the other side. I used to think you are blind, but... you never really believed I had a power, did you?" he asked, his voice back to normal. Well as normal as it possibly could be. "Even from here, I can do things you have no idea about," he added. "My dear, shell or not, you would be alive. And with me. I gave my own daughter to young Shadow, because I refuse to have her on the other side. I gave him permission to break her. What makes you think I wouldn't do the same with you?" he asked her. He didn't want to see her as broken. It was probably a reason why he never tried harder to get her see things his way. But if it was life or death, he always knew what would he choose.

"You and me, stuck here, interresting idea," he whispered and went so close to her, they lips almost touched. But he didn't kiss her. As much as he wanted, he didn't. Just like always. He just remained there, listening to her suddenly faster heartbeat, before he smirked. "See, this is the reason why I know, you will always come back," he said, just before he pulled away to release her. Part of him wished he realized sooner she felt strongly for him. Part of him was glad he didn't. He wouldn't be able to just let her go. Disappear in nowhere, have her life.

"I didn't believe you were evil." Zoya countered harshly, not wanting him to say this while being so gentle. It was like a parody of his previous self only it wasn't funny. "But you don't understand Rab, I can't live a shell and I won't live a shell." He voice was strong with determination and when she met his eyes, she didn't waver. "Out of curiosity, have you already lined up who is going to have the honor of breaking me? Do you think about it? Plan it?" The questions were enough to break her and she feared their answers would, but she had to know. It wasn't just some morbid curiosity, it was penance. She was a horrible friend who abandoned her best friend to save herself and now she was going to pay for it.

She wanted to make some flippant remark, try and change the atmosphere but he twisted it all. She tried to draw back, but she couldn't she was frozen in place. She wanted to kiss him so bad, it consumed her. All it would take was a little push forward, but she couldn't do it. She remember the light in his eyes when he spoke of Morgan, how he kept Katrina's photo with him. He never did that for me.

Before she could do anything, he pulled away he reminded her why she would always come and blind anger coursed through her. Her feelings, they didn't matter for him. "Shut up." She hissed angrily, pushing him away even though he had already released her.

"If I did, I wouldn't really tell you now, would I?" he told her. As she told him to shut up, he could see how hurt she was. He didn't want that. He didn't want to hurt her over those feelings. But he didn't know how to tell her. "Shut up? Why? So I don't tell you, if I could I would do it myself? That if I knew... if I knew what I realized today, I would try to get to you much sooner?" he asked her harshly as a hint of love for her flashed in his eyes. "You left, Zoya. You ran away and I was glad you did, because you were safe. It meant I don't have to worry what will happen to you, what I will do to you! You were the only person in my whole life, I was willing to let go, because I cared! But I'm not going to let you go now," he told her, his voice cold and honest.

As he watched her, he felt sorry again. He really cared for her. So he aproached her once again and pulled her into a tight hug. "Don't blame yourself for my insanity. It was there long before you came into my life. You wouldn't be able to stop it even if you stayed," he whispered to her. She could hate him, but he couldn't stand her hating herself for things that weren't her fault.

"I was a coward. A pathetic, sniveling little coward exactly like your allies always said." Her voice was tired, her tone was pure hatred. Not directed at him, because after today she had realized she could never hate him, and that just added to her hatred of herself. She didn't question him, because she knew he was saying the truth and because she didn't want to broach this topic. Not here, not with him. Her feelings were her weakness and weaknesses were hidden but he had managed to look right through her in minutes. The prospect scared her.

"Worry? Don't worry Rabastan, you could never do anything to me worse than what you have done to yourself." This meeting was draining her, or maybe it was just the presence of the dementors around her. Was it just her, or did they seem to grow in number? Waiting outside the bars for her.

He hugged her and it still affected her as much as it used to, even after he professed his willingness to shatter her to keep her around, she didn't feel scared. She didn't want to, but in his arms she could forget everything and pretend that everything was normal. "You don't know that." She whispered back sadly, unwilling to believe that Rab was beyond redemption, even if it meant taking the blame on her.

"I know that," he replied, bitter sadness in his voice. And it wasn't because of himself. It was because he could never be, what she wanted him to be. "I always knew, who I am, what will I become. I just didn't know how to tell you. There is nothing to fix, because I'm not broken. This is who I am, Zoya. This is who I want to be," he told her. When she was here, in his arms, he realized once again how much he missed her here. Even if it was probably good for her, that she didn't have to see it all, he still wished she was there. Maybe it would be her, who would look after his little Lilith.

"You did what you had to. Don't go about being coward on me, I'm a snake, remember? We are masters in this," he winked at her. "You were safe. That's all that mattered. Even if I missed you so damn much, it was the right thing you were away," he told her in all honesty. "You should meet my girls. I believe you would like them. I believe Lilith would be happy to have crazy aunt obsessed with food and crazy ideas," he suggested. They needed to change the topic. At least for a bit, while Rabs had one of his sane moments.

"Shut up." Zoya repeated softly, although this wasn't harsh or angry. She heard the truth in his words but that didn't mean she wanted to. Was it too much for him to stay quiet for five minutes so she could pretend properly that everything was normal? Apparently yes, because he kept talking and Zoya silently heard him out. She didn't know how to answer that and she didn't want to try, she just stayed quiet and heard him. Rare for her.

"Yeah well, but I did have a bit of my heart set on being a lion after all." The change of topic was at the best possible moment and she was grateful for it, glad that he seemed to return to normal/ Or as normal as it was possible for him to be in an environment like this. Her eyes brightened up immediately at the mention of his daughter and she already began planning ways to spoil her to death. "I am going to teach her how to live! How old is she anyway? How long could she have lived without the bright and benevolent epic=ness of my being is beyond me. She needs an awesome aunt, and I need some decent nieces. I doubt Brielle's children are going to be willing to share my awesome-ness. They won't have the genes, but Lilith, Lilith sounds promising. I can already imagine, me stealing into this whole compound full of Death Eaters and going all sneak Bond style and kidnapping her to drag her with me for Girls' Day Outs! And the gifts! Oh the many, many awesome hours spent trying to figure out a perfect thing for her! Hey! Don't you want me to deliver something in you name for her?" Here, Zoya took pause in her excited rambling and looked at him quizzically, before wincing and adding, "Preferably, happy, unicorn-y stuff."

Rabs laughed darkly as he heard her cheer up suddenly, talking about his Lilith and plans for her. "She is eleven, soon-to-be twelve now. First year, Slytherin as far as I know," he started about his little one. "She is probably having Kain around quite often, but I doubt she is overly happy about it. For now," he said remembering his deal with young Shadow. It was just a matter of time before Lilith realizes where she belongs, Rabastan never had any doubts Kain will take care of it. He told this to Zoya as well, so there was nothing really to hide.

He laughed again as he heard Zoya's plans to sneak between Death Eaters and kidnapp little Lilith. "I think I heard very similar plan once before," he chuckled. "You can tell her I love her. It's not a unicorn, but I believe it isn't nothing as well," he suggested. "Just don't spoil her much. Or you know what? Do it! She is Lestrange princess after all," he winked at Zoya devilishly. She will be great aunt to his daughter. He knew it.

Zoya rolled her eyes, "Do you not get the meaning of 'girls' day out? As in, no weirdo's hired by daddy tag along. If he does, there might be 'accidental' deaths." She cautioned, trying and failing to sound threatening. Anyone knew that Zoya would not harm a kid at any time and to her, that was what they were even if they themselves refused to act like it. "Slytherin ahaan! I bet she is exactly like you, but don't worry, under my guidance I will make her badass enough that nobody is able to give her ass whooping as I used to hand out to you." She teased, exaggerating a lot as she knew Rabs had let her 'beat him up' and that she never really hurt him anyway.

"And I seem to recall you being very opposed to it, so it is my moral obligation now to fulfill the plan." She sounded happy that she had something to do with her free time now that until the day she had to join office. "Really? You have to tell me to spoil her? As if I was waiting for your permission." She scoffed, sounding put out by the fact that she had express permission and wouldn't be able to relish being a 'bad influence'. "Seriously, that's it? No weird Slytherin Lestrange-ey type gift? Oh Rabs, you have soooooooo much to learn." She tsked, shaking her head in mock disappointment, "Don't worry, I got it, I will get her something awesome and say its from you. No wait, why does you get the benefit of gratitude from my labor? Um no, 'I love you' it is."

"I said often, not all the time. Even if who knows with him," Rabastan said imidiately, now amused. "I wish she was like me. That's why I sent Kain to fix it in the first place," he added, but understood what Zoya meant. He could feel another wave of insanity rushing through him and clenched his jaw. He refused to do something stupid. Again. Zoya brought a little bit of light into his grey days. The longer she stays, the better. "Well, before you start to spoil her, you first have to get out of here, which judging by the empty halls, won't be exactly soon. Not that I would mind, your company here is fine, but please tell me you got actual permission to be here," he asked her. Nobody walked here. Not humans anyway. If she just managed to get random dementor to open the door for her, it could take months before someone would realize there is a prisoner, that doesn't exactly belong here.

Rabastan looked out. This day was weird. Shadows were quiet. Even Black was. Well, silence of Sirius Black was quite normal, unless he didn't comment on Rabastan's insanity, which during visits happened often. Winter was long this year. Many prisoners were most likely to die again. Such a boring routine. Reminded Rabastan how much he lusted for blood. "You know what, little miss auror? I could use some little, you know, breakout?" he suggested randomly, more like a joke. Even if it was all truth.

"Regardless, that guy still has to be tested before he is deemed awesome enough to accompany us." Zoya answered cheerfully, worry clouding her eyes as she watched Rabastan clench his jaw. Oh no. This was probably another wave and she tensed, waiting for him to change. The presence of the dementors, even if they weren't in the vicinity was taking a toll on her, making her feel hopeless and depressed. She couldn't imagine spending a minute more in a place like this and Rabs had been here for years. His effort to control himself gave her hope and she replied in a light tone, "Yes Rabs, I got permission to visit one of the most guarded prisoners of Azkaban. Totally." She didn't even have to act like it was musing the thought really was amusing. "I pulled in some favors." She explained, not exactly going into the details and not wanting to either. It had taken her days to make it happen and she hadn't exactly used methods that wouldn't endanger her career but she had to see Rabs once.

"Sorry sir, fresh out of breakouts." She replied, knowing that even if all she wanted was to drag him out she couldn't. At least not in this visit. His words made her think though, would she have helped him break out if she had the chance? And the answer came before she even finished her question and the answer scared her. "Although I did manage to smuggle in some decent food!' She added brightly, suddenly reminded of the sandwich in her bag. She didn't add that it had been through a very extensive check before she was allowed to bring it in, just rummaged through her back pack till her finger scraped the plastic wrapping. "Want?" She asked, smirking as she held it up.

Rabs chuckled and sat on the cold ground. "You really don't realize you are locked up here with me, counting on mercy of other to let you out, do you?" he asked her, clearly amused by her approach. He was glad she didn't fear him. And he was also glad that so far, he gave her no reason to. He could feel insanity and darkness flow through his veins, right into his heart. It was strange feeling he grew to be accustomed to, but not much control it. At her remark about brakouts, he laughed humorlessly. "I suppose it's good from your point of view. Right now all I can think about when I get out, is who will I kill," he admited honestly. There was nothing he wanted more, then feel his dagger to take a life away again.

As she pulled out a sendwich, he narrowed eyebrow. "Zoya Morte, you are impossible girl," he said as he grabbed the food and for the first time in years tasted something, that actually had a taste. He always refused food from her. But not this time. Even if part of him kind of wished rather for raw piece of meat full of blood. Or something in that style. But he wasn't really sure how to explain such need to someone like Zoya. He ate it quickly. Closing his eyes for a moment, just to clear his head so he could think straight for another while.

"I am not at the mercy of someone else." Zoya corrected smugly, glad of the chance to show off in front of Rabastan. Usually, it was he who was going around awing her, the change felt good. "Some one will show up in a little while but really, I though you would be pleased to see me. All you want to do is through me out." She added, pretending to be disappointed. She knew he didn't mean it that way. Standing up while he sat down made for some awkward conversation, so she too slid down, sitting down cross-legged on the cold floor. His words made her want to ask him who featured on the list, but she kept quite, not wanting her question to trigger something in him he was trying so hard to control.

"You know how much glib talking I had to do to get it in? They even confiscated my key chain but I managed to talk my way through with the sandwich and you wolf it down in seconds." She scolded, her smirk belying any effect of the 'scolding'. It was unnaturally quiet, the famous Azkaban ravers seemed suspiciously quiet, but she didn't want to risk asking him about the quiet. She sat quietly for a few minutes but silence was never her forte and it was mere minutes before she begin talking again. "Hello Zoya! Great to see you Zoya! What have you been up to all these years? How was your school. I am just dying to know all the details!" She acted out, raising her eyebrows in his direction at the end of her performance. "I would have thought you might have asked once about my boyfriends at least." She teased, laughing at the idea.