Defense Against The Dark Arts Lesson One

Gilderoy sat in his office right above the DADA lesson. Smirking as he whipped his hair in front of the mirror, he walked down the spiral stairs, and stood at the front of the classroom. He was looking immaculate in his sweeping robes of turquoise, his golden hair shining brightly, as the door of his classroom came open, "Children Children, come in," he grinned as he passed a hand through his perfect hair.

David was not to thrilled for this class. Judging from the way Lockhart wrote his books, he was full of himself because of the things he had accomplished. David wondered if this class would be better than last year, when they were taught by a scaredy cat, which just happened to be harboring the man who had killed his father on the back of his head.

He walked in and nodded at his professor. "Professor" He said, in a way of greeting. He then took a seat near the back of the class.

Rowan stood outside the DADA classroom, chatting with William and Gus as they waited for the doors to open to allow them all in. They had all heard about the wonderous adventures of their new professor, and Rowan had even read many of his books as soon as she found out who was going to be teaching them. As the doors opened, William and Gus filed in with Rowan walking behind them. Glancing behind her, she scanned the faces for her brother and sister. Not seeing them, she slipped into the classroom, smiling at Professor Lockhart as she slipped into the seat next to the boys. "You think he's as good as his adventures say in his books?" William asked them. Gus simply shrugged while Rowan offered, "Why wouldn't he be? I mean, his books are wonderful."

---

Serena all but skipped on her way to class. She was very excited about this class in particular as Gilderoy Lockhart was an amazing adventurer. She had read a bit of his first book, and was already quite taken with him. Seeing Ron and Harry up ahead, she jogged to catch up with them. "Isn't this exciting?! I bet he's going to be wonderful!" she said happily as she spun in front of the boys as they walked. Nudging Harry, Ron smirked at Serena. "Yeah.... We will see if he's all his books say he's cracked up to be," he said as all three of them entered and took their seats.

---

Lara brushed a lock of brown hair behind her ear as she entered the classroom. The school year had started, and while she was happy to be back to learn new things, a part of her was saddened. They were back and that meant not being able to be with Romulus except in secret. With a sigh, she slipped into the seat she had been using for the past two years and readied herself for class. Lara was actually looking forward to this class as Gilderoy Lockhart proved to be a rather interesting person... At least, from what she'd read about him he was...

---

Watching the ceiling as she walked to DADA, Luna didn't look down for a moment. Finally reaching the doorway, she did nd hopped over the threshhold, being careful to not step on it at all. "Good day, Professor," she said happily as she took her seat and removed the wand that had been tucked behind her ear for safe keeping, placing it just so on her table. As she waited, Luna glanced around the room and fiddled with the necklace with a Butterbeer cork that was around her neck.

Ian sat down next to David with a frown on his face. Although, he hadn't read the books, he had heard enough about his professor to dislike him. "I hope he can actually teach us something..." he muttered to his friend under his breath.

Neville sat down in the front of the classroom, smiling at his Professor. He had read all the books and they sounded quite impressive. On top of that, his teacher seemed to be really nice, even if a bit self-centered.

Junis nodded in greeting to her professor and took a seat at the back of the classroom. She had read some of his books, but books could lie. She would wait to see what he would be able to teach them this year.

Jace walked into his first lesson of Defense Against the Dark Arts for his 4th year at Hogwarts with his sister beside him. They had finally made up and were talking again after a 2 month period of silence and hate glares. He saw a few people had already arrived. He saw Ian sitting beside David and instantly looked over to Syd. He knew by the look on her face that she had seen them too. "Syd, you ok?"

Sydney walked into her DADA class with her brother at her side. She was rambling on about how she was excited to learn how to defend herself in case she found herself in another situation like the one last year with Ian's friends. At the thought of her ex boyfriend, Sydney deflated a bit and frowned. But then, it got worst when she saw him sitting in the class room beside David. She bit her lip and nodded when Jace asked if she was ok. "I'm fine, jace." She tried to avoid looking at Ian but failed. She shook her head and took a seat.

Pansy walked into the DADA classroom and scanned the room for someone to socialize with. She didn't spot any familiar faces, so she found a desk that she liked and sat down in it. She pulled her stuff out, and kept her eyes glued on the door, hoping a friend would walk in. She wasn't entirely interested in the lesson, or the new professor. Most of the other students seemed to swoon over him, but she hadn't read any of his books, nor did she care to.

---

Allison walked into the class, and she waved a little when she saw Rowan. She had become pretty close with her roommates, which was surprising, considering that she wasn't very good at making friends. She was really excited for the lesson, as she had read all of the professor's books, and she couldn't wait to see what he had to teach them. She went over to Rowan and the two boys that she didn't recognize. "Mind if I sit with you guys?" she asked.

Adrastos and Ricardo entered the classroom, sitting behind Ron and Harry, whilst Raphael, Malphas, Ares and Atticus entered. They sat together, Raph and Mal in front of Ares and Atticus, and then Kain entered.

He grinned as he beamed around the classroom. He glanced at the professor momentarily, and shrugged not caring whether or not the guy was famous. Sitting beside Pansy, he winked at her. They hadn't actually really talked even though they were both slytherin second years but they were from the same house at least.

Hermione skipped into the classroom, sitting down next to Harry and Ron. She was extremely excited about this lesson, as she had a bit of an obsession with their new professor. "This is going to be good, don't you think? I mean, it has to be," she said in an enthusiastic tone. She couldn't hide her grin as she waited for the lesson to start.

---

Ivy walked into the class, spotted Adastros immediately. She smiled and walked over to him. "Hi there," she said, almost grinning. She was still a little nervous around him, but she wasn't so nervous that she couldn't speak, so that was an improvement.

Mio flopped down next to David and Ian and rolled his eyes at some of the girls' reactions. You would think some celebrity had come to visit when it was just Lockhart... From what his father had told him, that guy couldn't even tell the difference between a pixie and a doxy.
"This class will be a disaster..." he muttered under his breath.

"Can I kill him please? PLEASE???" Seth screamed at him in his head, making Azrael grimace slightly. "Even his grin makes me want to vomit!" It went on like that for a while, as he walked over to a chair next to some student. Not that he cared who it was. Azrael would have enough problems to follow the lesson as it was. "Shut up ..." he muttered softly, though to be honest he had to admit that this overly cheerful act his teacher was displaying, was getting on his nerves quite quickly. "Told you! But you never listen to me. NEVER!" Azrael sighed and closed his eyes for a second.

When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up Neville Longbottom's copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front.

"Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming-Smile Award - but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"

He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly.

"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books -well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in -" When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, "You have thirty minutes - start - now!"

Unfortunatley, Azrael was not granted any peace, as his teacher started talking almost immediately, droning on about how great he was. "SHUT UP!" Seth managed to cut through and for once Azrael wished that other people could hear him as well, for if Lockhart could hear the aggression in his voice he might actually close his mouth. "Or not..." Corvin said sarcastically. People like that wouldn't shut up if you pointed a knife at their throat.

When the teacher spoke about the Banshee, Azrael couldn't help but snort. "The guy probably talked her to death." "Quite...", he agreed quietly and took a look at his test paper. "This is riddiculous." he said, shaking his head, this time not even bothering to lower his voice.


Mio also seemed to me quite confused at the quiz. "How are we supposed to know these things?" he asked his friends in a hushed whisper.

Ian could not help but chuckle softly at his teacher's words. He was actually quite fun ... in a way he was probably not intending, but still...very comical. Reaching out, Ian accepted his test and frowned. He shrugged at Mio's question, not knowing what to do either.


Junis had to force herself not to smile at her housemate's remark about the test. It truly was quite riddiculous, though, having read some of Lockhart's books, she could answer a few questions at least.

Pansy looked down at the test and almost burst out laughing. She leaned over to Kain and whispered, "He's even more self-obsessed than I thought he'd be." She didn't really attempt to answer the questions. Instead, she looked around the room and watched the other students reactions. It was quite entertaining.

---

Allison started to take the test, but she only knew a few of the answers. She was sure that she had read all of the books thoroughly, but she had focused more on the magic involved than the person writing the books. She looked around the room to find that she wasn't the only one that was lost, which helped her feel a little better, but not much.

---

Hermione looked at the test and immediately began jotting down answers. She could hear whispers around her, which told her that other students probably didn't know any of the answers, but she didn't let it stop her. She just kept writing down each answer one by one, barely even thinking about it.

---

Ivy looked at the test and she didn't have a clue as to how to answer any of them. She looked up, obviously confused, and wondered if anyone really knew the answers. Ivy had read the books, but she didn't really pay much attention to what she was reading. She didn't think they'd be taking a test on the first day.

As Allison asked if she could join them, Rowan nodded and genstured to the seat in front of her with a smile. When class started and Professor Lockhart handed out their quiz, Rowan's eyes scanned the page of questions. Her brow furrowed as she tried to think if she had read about any of these things. She had read some of his books, but perhaps on the one that these things came from. Gus and William glanced at her as they all shrugged, unsure how to proceed, but ended up at least guessing on them.

---

Serena was ready to take the quiz until she read the questions. Her face fell as she found she didn't know any of the answers. "Guess I didn't read far enough...." she said to herself. Writing down something for each question, Serena gave the quiz her best shot.

---

Luna smiled at the girl that joined her and when she received her quiz, she tilted her head as if looked at the parchment from another angle might help the answers come to light. Still, as clever as she was, she was puzzled as to why Professor Lockhart was asking these questions of them and not asking questions about the subject at hand. Still, she figured she best give it a shot, and set to work answering the questions as best as she could.

---

Lara looked the questions over and was stunned. These have nothing to do with this subject... Looking back at Professor Lockhart she wanted to ask about the purpose of these questions to the class, but decided against it. This was his class after all. Still, how were they supposed to know the answers to these questions? With a shurg, she pushed forward and answered them.

---

Ron groaned as the professor went on and on about himself. "Sure this is DADA and not All About Me?" he said under his breath to Harry. Hearing that a quiz was the first thing they were going to do today, Ron let his head fall into his hands. Not a great start to the year..... When the quiz arrived, he looked at the questions. "What the.... What does any of this have to do with class?" he murmured. Looking about and seeing everyone writing, Ron gumbled as he grabbed his quill and answered the lame questions...

Receiving the quiz left many dumbstruck. Those included Adrastos, who knew nothing of this vain dickhead, Ricardo, who knew perhaps even less, Malphas, who although was a good student couldn't care less for Lockhart's little private life, and Harry, who didn't even know the man existed. 

Raphael, on the other hand, answered some questions as he had read the man's books at least once each, out of curiosity mostly. Kain wasn't dumbstruck, he expected some shit similar to that coming from Lockhart, "Amen Pansy, Amen," he smirked. Atticus tried to answer even though he also knew close to nothing but getting a few good grades wouldn't harm.

Ares however, was furious. "What the fuck? Last year these fucks got a guy with Voldemort on the back of his head and I get a spunk hungry fucktard that loves man meat in his hole?" taking out a dagger and sending it towards Lockhart it nailed him to the portrait he had of himself in the front of the class. "Eat a dick" he growled at the professor and stormed off, but not before ripping the quiz to pieces.

Azrael raised a brow in amusement at his classmate's reaction to the test, though he could not help but agree with the assessment. "Cheers mate!" Seth called out and him and Cyn started cracking up in his mind. Azrael could also feel the amusement from the others and shot a smirk at his professor. He wouldn't mind walking out as well, but Azrael really wanted to see the teacher's reaction.

"What the ..." Mio started and stared at Ares who rushed past him and out of the room. For a second, he was shocked speechless, but then he started to laugh.

As a familiar voice met her ears in an outburst, Rowan looked up and felt the color creep into her cheeks at seeing it was her brother being as he was. Gus and William looked up as well, smirking at the outcome of Ares' antics. "Quite the bro, you got there, Rowan," Gus said, as Rowan half-smiled and returned to her quiz. That he is...
---

Serena, Lara, and Luna were all stunned by Ares' actions. When he left, they exchanged surprised glances with the others around them before Luna and Serena returned to their papers to try and finish. Lara dared to ask, since no one else was, "Professor, are you alright?"

---

"Bloody hell..." Ron murmured as Ares simply blew up at Professor Lockhart and left after pinning him to the wall. Either he was crazy or just had a short fuze... Either way, in his mind he was clapping at his antics. Setting his quill aside, he simply waited for what was next. He didn't know the answer to the questions anyways....

Ian looked at Mio and bit his lip, so he wouldn't burst out laughing as well. His professor looked just too funny pinned to his portrait like that and even Neville seemed to fight with himself, so he wouldn't start laughing.

Pansy couldn't help but actually burst out laughing after Ares' little episode. She was glad that somebody called their professor out, and she wondered how the man would react to it. Maybe this class wouldn't be as boring as she thought it was going to be.

---

Hermione's eyes looked as if the were going to pop out of their sockets when the Slytherin boy pulled his stunt. She looked over at Harry and Ron, wondering what their reactions would be. She was speechless, and she hoped that the boy would be severely punished for his actions. "He could have killed him!" Hermione exclaimed to the boys.

David nodded at Mio in agreement. This class was going to be a joke. He, however, had read the books, feeling them more fiction than non fiction, so remembered a lot of details from them. when he was handed his test, it took everything in him not to try and not write smart ass answers. obviously, he failed.


1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart 's favorite color?

David Wrote: The color of his hair, he is so in love with it.

2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?

David wrote: To get laid, that obviously has not happened yet


3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest

achievement to date?

David wrote: Confunding Albus Dumbledore so he could receive this position

4- When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his

ideal gift be?

David wrote, feeling he should be serious for one question: Janurary 26th, his ideal gift would be world peace.

5- How many books has Gilderoy Lockhart wrote?

David wrote, smirking as he did so: Too many

6- How many books has Gilderoy Lockhart sold?

David sighed and wrote: too much, we are going down in writing standards, aren't we? We're J.R.R Tolkien when you need him??

7- What is the name of Gilderoy Lockhart's pet?

David Wrote: Gilderoy Lockhart, the second

8- What is Gilderoy Lockhart's pet?
David wrote: If i were to guess, i would either say the Vampire he 'encountered' in his book, or the Banshee he banished.

he then showed his test to his friends, smirking evilly

Getting his breathing back under control after his laughing fit, Mio took a good look at his friend's test and burst out laughing all over again. "Awesome!" he gasped and shook his head, still grinning broadly. "Too many books indeed, even if I never read any of them. Just buying them pissed my father off to no end." he said chuckling, remembering his father ranting the whole time as they bought the textbooks about the incompetence of certain teachers.

David laughed alongside Mio. He had not even realized someone walking out, he had been too into his test. he then nodded and said "There are better things to blow our gold on, like fanged frizbees, or.. you know.. trash bags.. or actual trash.." He smirked slightly

Stacy and Anette had came class before it started and both sat next to each other this time. They knew each other from last year potions. Both girls looked at that quiz and had slights idea what the answers were. They looked each other and then did try to still write something down. Basically they were sure it all was wrong, they didn't know much about this subject at all.

Taking the dagger off his portrait it allowed Lockhart to fall to his feet. Clearing his throat, he pat his robes the dust falling off. Looking towards Lara, he nodded graciously, "I'm rather fine, ten points to hufflepuff," he exclaimed hiding his embarrassment. Giving the dagger to Malphas Lockhart sighed, "Please do give that back to your housemate," Malphas nodded and took the weapon concealing it in his robe. 

Walking to the front of the class, Gilderoy growled, "This will cost your friend, twenty house points," he warned the class.

Half an hour later, Gilderoy collected the quizzes and sat down at his desk.

"Tut, tut - hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully - I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples - though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogdeds Old Firewhisky!"

He gave them another roguish wink, trying to put what had happened before behind his back.

Ian looked at Mio and David with a clearly incredulous expression. Was that guy being serious? If the classes turned out to be like that the whole time he would just sleep through them the next time, or study for some of his more challenging subjects.


Junis sighed and shook her head. She wasn't even annoyed with her teacher, just slightly bored with the subject he was talking about the whole time ... namely himself.