Always... (Rabastan)

"You can't. Trust no one. If they mean no harm to you, they will understand. If they want to hurt you, you will be ready," he replied to her first question before he looked down to his mug and back at her. "Because I invented it. And right now, I am also the only one to know how to cure it," he replied, his voice firm, not giving away any emotion. He actually considerd this poison his masterpiece, but it didn't seem all too amazing, when Morgan was hurt by it. "It attacks blood. Taking away all the oxygen and other stuff, making it basicaly black. It uses veins to get to the heart and kill. Very slowly and painfully, because last few minutes of your life, you can't breathe or move for pain. You can't even call for help. But the cure is actually not that hard to make. And honestly, except for a little scar, there will be nothing left of it. Your dagger, the one Morana gave you, that is much worse," he explained to her.

"Another reality of war...." Morgan mused quietly. Trust was a rare thing in times of war. The only ones you could really trust were the ones you knew for certain were on the same side as you. It seemed Morgan's list of trusted people was limited now to the boys, Marvolo, Rabastan, anyone from The Order... People she wasn't sure of or who were simply people she chatted with in class or in passing, they were no longer trustable. Because I invented it... Morgan listened as he told about the effects of this posion that was still coursing through her, however weakly. As it attacks blood, killing the wounded slowly and painfully, everything Morgan felt made sense. "Then how did Allen get a hold of it? I guess it was my good fourtune that you happened upon me, huh. How close.... How close was I?" she asked, her brow furrowed at the idea that, once again, she had flirted with death, likely coming very close this time to crossing the line.

"It's not hard to get hold of it now. But I think it's reckless. I am really the only one to know how to fix the mess it can do," he replied to her question about Allen. "But death eaters, or at least those who doesn't have cursed daggers, mostly have those poisoned ones. You have cursed one. Yours would create wound that would be painful forever. It's Morana's work and you can bet on it," he explained to her. "You were closer than I originaly thought you were. You had seconds. Literaly. Not seconds to death, but second to the part where nothing could save you and I would have no choice but to watch you suffer terrible death. But you will be okay. If you keep drinking that cure for the two weeks like I told you."

Morgan thought to the blade than Morana had given her when the war was only a shadow on the horizon. She kept it safe in her vanity drawer, opting for a different one that sheathed itself better in more areas due to it's smooth sheath. But, Morgan still thought of it and of the talks she had wtih Morana. "A nasty blade, indeed," she said when she heard that it was more than just a blade. To cause pain to the victim forever... Morgan knew, if she needed to, she would use it.

You were closer than I originaly thought... Morgan closed her bright eyes at hearing just how lucky she really was to have Rabastan there when she needed him. To know that she was only moments away from being lost to the pain and a slow death stunned her. The pain was slowly ebbing away, really only flaring up when she moved or breathed too deeply. Biting her lip to hold back her tears at the realization that she would have left Remus a widower, all her friends, even Marvolo and Rabastan had it not been for his quick thinking Morgan looked at him fondly. "Guess, I'll need your recipe, unless I'm to come to you everyday for those two weeks," she said with a broken voice, "You always seem to be in the right place at the right time, Rabastan..."

"She never told you much about the dagger right? It was from Rosier family. Her mother was Rosier. This dagger was one of many in her inheritance. It carries old curses. Not the same Morana or Marvolo have since their daggers are full of ancient curses carried since ages of Salazar Slytherin. But still. She always looked after you. She does even now, but I doubt you believe it or want to hear it," he added a little to Morana topic. He wasn't surprised Morana never told Morgan. It wouldn't be her if she did.

"I can't give you recipe. I just give you enough of it for those two weeks and a little more for case of crisis if you or Remus ever again ended in mess like this," he explained to her. "But you should be more or less immune now. Unless someone will stab you into your heart, your body should be able to survive at least long enough for me to get to you and help," Rabastan added and looked at her. "You are just lucky that's all," he smiled at her. "Smile a bit, you are alive, don't bother yourself with thoughts what if. Because I know you do."

As much as Morgan didn't want to hear about Morana's alledged 'looking after her', she couldn't help but agree now that she had new insight about the gift Morana had given her. As upset as Morgan was, she thanked her old friend in her mind in that moment. Morgan was thankful that he was simply going to give her enough of the cure to get her through these two weeks. She didn't want to endanger him or herself by having to meet someplace to take it. Plus, having a little extra on hand in the dark time would be useful. "Immunity to it? Clever, Rabastan, very clever..." she mused at hearing that while the poison would still prove a threat to her, it was a far less of one than this go 'round. At least, she would be able to get to the one who could help her should this happen again...

A smile broke across her face at his words. "It's like you can read my mind. You're right. Alive and on the mend, again... Just think, the sacrifice my parents made was almost for naught. It would have been if it wasn't for you," Morgan said brightly, sounding much more like herself. Looking back at his arm, Morgan asked, "Rabastan, I'm nearly done with my internship at St. Mungo's... Is there anything I can do to help that?"

He chuckled. "I am very clever. You should know it by now," he told her, slightly amused. "We were engaged remember? Of course I know you," he replied on her note about reading her mind. As she asked him if she can heal his arm, he looked at the wound again. He almost forgot he had it. He turned to her with smile. "It's just a scratch. I even forgot I have it. If you didn't ask, I would probably remember it only in the moment Katrina gets home and will look at me as mother at her child who played stupid games in kiddie pool," he half laughed. "Save your strenght, even this hurts more sometimes, than that," he added pointing at his dark mark. He remembered the pain when is sank deep into his skin and first weeks. As much as death eaters were proud to have it, it was still a curse origin. It had to have some side effects.

Morgan laughed lightly at his response. "Of course I know about you and your cleverness. As you say, we were engaged," she said with a bright smile that harkened back to the one she used to use with him. Morgan knew the look Rabastan was talking about that his wife would likely give him. Remus had given her a similar look now and again when she was off doing something or did something to make him think she needed it. "I have strength enough for that, if you want to save her the need to use that look," Morgan said before she gave a small cough that made her wince as her wound jarred with the motion. Looking at his Dark Mark, Morgan reached out to touch it gently, but paused and withdrew her hand. "It's not like any other mark I've ever seen. Not even the one we share," she commented, refering to the RavenWolf that tied so many together.

Rabastan sighed. He wanted to oppose her, but again, he knew her too well. "As you wish," he said finally as he watched her touching his mark. "Because RavenWolf is not a curse. At least not like this," he explained. "But if you think it cannot hurt, I mean RavenWolf, you are very wrong. Not that I experienced it myself, but I know twins can make it burn really painfully. It's different pain than this one. Sharp. Dark mark is more dull. It's sort of alive I would say," Rabastan added.

When Rabastan gave his permission for her to heal him, Morgan smiled. Setting her cup of tea on the bedside table, she reach carefully for her wand. Scooting to him, she held his arm in one hand while passing her wand over the cut, she spoke gently, "Vulnera Sanentur....Vulnera Sanentur....Vulnera Sanentur." When she finished, all that remained was a scar, much more visable than the usual scar left when using this healing spell. Sighing heavily from the small amount of energy it took to cast the spell, she checked her handy work. "There. Good as new... Well, mostly," she said raising her eyes to him, a touch of fatigue lingering in her eyes. "So, the marks are similar. A link to whomever gave them to the ones who received them. Are you called through it?" she asked boldly, moving back to where she was, doing her best to not cause herself more pain.

"As good as new and you completely exhausted. Why don't you listen to me for once?" he smirked at her. "Yep, it's major purpose is to call for us when needed. It has few little other things but not so important. It is sort of a symbol. If it stops moving, if we stop feeling it, something is wrong. It lives with him. And also with our agenda. Once we cannot reach it, it becomes less visible and inactive. But it's forever, so whenever we have a chance to rise again, it will come back. I don't know how better explain this to you," he said as he looked at his mark once again and than looked into her eyes, searching for whatever she was thinking about this, about him, about all of it.

Morgan smirked back at his comment about him being fine and her being exhausted. "Just returning the favor," she mused. It was he least she could do since he had saved her life. A little healing spell was nothing compared to that. As he spoke of the mark and what it did and how it worked, Morgan was both slightly impressed as well as troubled. If the dark forces fell, would they try to rise again? Would this war not be the only one? Looking into his eyes, she watched him search for what she was thinking. While the other thoughts of hers were easy to figure out since they were as close as they are, this was new ground. Not something that they had discussed or thought about except for a touch on the night they went their separate ways. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Morgan managed a smile. "I always knew you as you are, Rabastan. I knew that you were dark and dangerous. As much as I wanted it to be another way, I knew that your path and mine were only connected for a short time. Now, they are together and yet apart. And, I don't regret any of it... This is the path you chose... I can't hold it against you..." she explained. Others might say otherwise, and when the time came she would have to stand against him, but it didn't change how she felt. Just as Marvolo was a friend, so was he...

He smiled again, amused but also glad for her words. "You know you wouldn't like me another way," he smirked. "Well, let's face your choices. First was Black. Possessive and honestly even he always was a bit psychopath, but mainly idiot in many things. Than me, again there is not much to mention to it. And in the end Remus. Who is maybe not idiot or psychopath, but he has a beast within. It almost seems like you are looking for danger in your men. You can't deny that fact," he told her honestly. "Not that it is wrong, I mean people always say girls like bad boys," he added with smile. "As for me, I am happy where I am and I don't regret my choices even if I believe sometimes it might look like I do, when we have our talks. There is part of me I somehow still hope you will never have a chance to see for yourself," he said sadly.

"Cursed or blessed to be with the 'bad boys'?" Morgan teased. He was right. Sirius was a bad boy, then him, and now Remus. Though, Remus was a different kind of bad. His bad didn't fall into the same bad as Sirius and Rabastan's did. "Maybe danger just finds me. Like today.... Maybe, I'm like a danger magnet..." Morgan mused with a hint of seriousness to her words. It did seem that way as of late... His voice turned sad at his last remark of hoping she didn't get to see this small side of him. Morgan thought she had seen almost all of him, but perhaps she was wrong. Putting a hand on his arm, her eyes filled with concern as she looked at him. "What side?" she asked. Morgan could take it. She had seen and taken in so much as of late, nothing should shake her now.

"That's for you to decide I suppose. Do you regret any of us?" he asked her with hint of smile and curiosity. He was lmost sure she didn't regret it, but if she did, he cauld hardly blame her. He was used to the fact he was evil in her eyes and in front of her he even reffered to himself that way. Even if in front of Morgan, he mainly showed the best part of him. The one she called a good man early this day. "Take a guess. Trust me, you haven't seen the worst of me. And I really hope you never will," he told her honestly.

Thinking for a moment, Morgan shook her head. "I don't regret any of you. I don't regret what happened or what I've been through. There is always a reason for everything. There was a reason I was with Sirius, a reason I was with you, and now a reason that I'm with Remus. I might not know fully what the reasons are as yet, but they are there," she answered him. It was something she had thought about before. Why be with all three of these men? Each one different and yet all three had that dark side in common. She didn't know, but being with all three was helping her to grow stronger. Perhaps that was why she had been touched by them all, loved them all... "Do you....regret having me?" she asked in turn. It was truly a shock to many people that someone such as him would scoop up and keep, however short a time, one like her. It had always made her wonder... Why?

"That side of you from that night?" Morgan dared to ask, "The one who enjoys what you do... The polar opposite to the good man sitting before me?" She knew he had a dark side. She had come close to seeing it that night when she surprised him in his room, that night she found her way home. It wouldn't surprise her if that was the side he was talking about.

He looked at her, surprised. "You? Why would I regret you? You are amazing girl. If I regret you, why would I ask you to marry me in the first place?" he smiled at her and stroked her cheek gently before his face hardened. "Yeah, that is exactly the part I have on my mind," he sighed. Not that he would hate that part of himself. He liked it. But it seemed innapropriate to admit this in front of Morgan. "I am not a good man. Don't idealize me. I invented poison that kills probably the worst way possible. How could a good man possibly do that?" he asked her.

A smile reached her bright eyes at his words and touch. The Rabastan she knew was still there, but then his face hardened and he questioned her comment about him being good. "You are both, Rabastan. You might be bad or dark or however you want to put it, but there is goodness in you. I've always believed it. If there wasn't, you wouldn't have stepped up to Allen, you wouldn't have saved me. You would have stood there and watched me die by a tool you made. That any of us could make. It's just potions-" Morgan said, leaning in to emphasis what she was saying and froze, wincing hard. She moved a hand to her side, under the borrowed hoodie and shirt. When she brought her hand out, her fingers were red. A touch of panic entered her eyes as she looked up at him.

"Lie down!" he ordered her imidiately and made his way to look at the wound. "I told you not to heal me. You used too much of your strenght. Be still," he told her and quickly grabbed his wand a few bandages. He whispered a few spell and watched her skin stitch up magically before he put bandages over. Bleeding stopped. "How do you feel?" he asked her as he gestured to elf to find some other clothes a got up to take another glass of cure. He handed it over to her. "As you see, not just a potions. If it was just something, it would be easier to heal. And easier to find cure for it," he told her. "And just because I have a good side as you say, it doesn't mean you won't walk away once you see the bad one," he added, his attention more at her injury which he was still making sure stopped bleeding.

Morgan did as he told her, laying down and lifted her hoodie and shirt up to allow her wound to be exposed for him to tend to. "I did what was right, strength or not," Morgan said to him while he magically healed her. Keeping her eyes on the ceiling, she listened to him work. "I'm alright... Shaken up, drained, but, alright..." she answered him softly. Lifting herself to be propped up on her bent elbow, she took the glass he offered. "I'm sorry...." she said before throwing the cure back and getting it down as fast as she could. Morgan looked into the empty glass before holding the glass out for him and laying back down. "I meant, it's based in potions. It's the extracting and mixing of different things to make something else, good or bad," Morgan said weakly. "But you did find a cure. However many times you need to take it, you still found one. And, just because you have that dark side that I glimpsed that night doesn't mean that I will walk away, either..." she said raising her eyes to him. Morgan didn't know what would happen when this war was over between friends on either side, but she hoped that, even if not as close as before, there would still be something there when all was said and done. As he focused on her wound to be sure it had stopped bleeding she thought that perhaps she should have listened to him when he said to not heal him. She already felt much weaker than she had before, but she felt the need to heal him. It was the healer in her...

"It's okay," he replied to her. "Just be carefull since now on. You are going to be weak for those two weeks. Don't risk when it's not necessary," he told her, worry in his voice. As she continued to speak, he looked down. "Nobody said it does. But let's face it, you walked away from Morana too, or am I wrong? And you can argue it is not the same, but how can you possibly know? She had a good side in your eyes as well, we both know she did. And that part of her never went away, you know? You didn't see me as me. So don't promise things you cannot keep," he smiled at her weakly. He didn't want to be harsh or hurt Morgan but that was the truth.

Don't risk when it's not necessary... Morgan had to be careful while her body healed over the next couple of weeks. She could feel, now, just why she needed to. Her body felt tired, like how it had started to feel when the Shadows first attacked them and she fought as hard as she could. While she felt ten times weaker than that, she still understood. With a small sigh, Morgan looked back at the ceiling as she listened to his words about Morana and how she had walked away then. "It is different....as least....for now...." she whispered. True, she hadn't seen that side of Morana until recently, and, after seeing it, she did walk away. She wanted to believe that she wouldn't walk away from Rabastan as well, but as he said, she hasn't seen that dark side fully. "I don't know what the future holds for us, Rabastan. Just like I don't know what it holds for Marvolo and me," Morgan began, turning her head to look at him. There was a glimmer of sadness in her bright eyes at the idea of what might come to pass with this war, and it wasn't something she liked to think about. "I know I can't promise I won't walk away. I can't promise I will.... It's a bridge I will have to cross when I come to it. This war is going to pull apart everything, and I don't know what's going to happen when all is said and done. Maybe, Morana and I could make amends, maybe not. Maybe what friendships were there before the war will be able to be put back together, maybe not. The future is uncertain..." Morgan spoke, a strength resonating in her weak voice that she had never had before, a wisdom of sorts. His words were firm, nearly harsh, but she understood why he said them. Seeing the weak smile on his face, Morgan returned one of her own.

"I just explained to you, why I don't wish you to see me. The true me. I care for you. And unlike Morana, the rest of us can be affected by losing friend," he told her with small sigh. "You know, sometimes I miss my childhood days. Specialy the ones with twins and Barty. It was rare, but sometimes it happened. Marvolo and Barty were always the active ones. They used to fight and play games and the more dangerous it was, the more fun they had. They climbed highest trees while Morana lied in the grass so small and hidden you wouldn't probably notice her. She was watching sunset and humming songs. I don't know if you ever heard her. She always had sort of punk voice and her texts were somehow so sad and real for a child of her age. But in contrast with her sister and Barty, it was perfect to watch. I loved those evenings. After sun disappeared behind horizon, we made a fire and talked about ghosts and scary stories while Marvolo played with flames," he said as he lied down and watched the ceiling. "I don't even know why I am telling you this," he smirked.

Morgan watched him as he told of his fond memories when things were easier, and then as he joined her laying on the bed. They were beautiful memories, and she smiled as her mind formed the imaged for her to see as he told. "I've seen that Morana, once," she said turning her head to look at the ceiling. "It was after graduation, after Remus' parents were killed... I went for a walk on the moors of Scotland, just taking some time.... You know...like I tend to do from time to time," she began with a small shrug, "She was laying in the grass, humming softly. That was the day that she showed me the scars from when she was little. When my view of the light within her faultered. As angry as I am with her, I know that she has her own way of doing things. That....there is always a reason behind everything she does.... But, as much as I know that, the wounds are too deep and the confusion too strong for me to make amends as yet. Maybe one day..."

His telling this tale and then saying he didn't know why he was telling her made Morgan think of something that puzzled her on and off. Raising her left hand to look at her rings from Remus, that same puzzle popped into her mind. "Rabastan, why did you let me go that night? You let me keep the ring you gave me, and I have, but you've also said that you could have stopped me, made me be with you, forced me to stay with you as I should be..." she said before dropping her hand and looking at him. "Why didn't you?" she asked softly. Morgan had kept the ring as she said she had. It was in a black and green velvet box in the same vanity she kept all her treasures in.

"I guess we all have different ways how to live with things that happened to us and things that we've done. While Marvolo would cross any path in order the protect her friends and family, whit Morana you can never be sure what she does, but most likely I would bet she would turn her back on all of us. Except for those four people she really cares about. Marvolo, Barty, Malphas and Remus. People often say Morana is the strong one and Marvolo the weak one. I think they are at least equal. But in Morana's eyes, I think her sister was always the stronger one," he said and didn't discuss the forgiving topic.

"Marvolo is a fire. She burns down the grounds, her rage is loud and burns like a flame. She is strong because she is not afraid of showing it. She sacrifices herself. She cries for her friends and family. Morana is a water. Cold and ancient. She walks behind the rows and carefully makes spider webs to catch her victims. She is strong too, but because she is perfect in using emotions of others with her selfcontrol. She sacrifices others rather than herself and she is capable of patiently waiting for her victory. If she cries, only when nobody sees her. Maybe that's why she found home in the shadows. It's easy to love Marvolo and hate Morana. It's easy to say one is weaker than the other. But I think people are missing main point. And that, with Morana's patience and Marvolo's rage, that is why I believe we can win. People are too busy to compare them, they completely forgot to think about what they can do together," Rabastan said.


When she asked about why he let her go, he raised his eyebrow a bit. "I told you this alredy. I am sick bastard, but not enough to watch you suffer this way. Among us, death eaters, I know at least one couple, where he or she did this to their partner. It works, the other one will sooner or later accept it and go on. But they never forget. I could cut you out of light. But you would still remember the days it was there. And you would spend days hidden in the library, crying over what you lost, thinking I am not there to hear you. It wasn't worth it. Not for me anyway," he gave her smile.

Hearing Rabastan speak about both Marvolo and Morana, Morgan smiled. "Yin and yang. A perfect balance of hot and cold. Both are equally powerful, they just show their powers in different ways," she said. She thought back to all the times she was with both girls alone, and saw just how different they are. "I agree that they are strongest when they are strongest together. I remember when we lost Marvolo for that short time. Morana was almost....lost.... Kind of like a bunch of us, I think. Then when she came back, Morana found herself again," she added feeling a strong twinge of pain from the now closed wound in her side, but she said nothing about it to Rabastan. "Neither one is strongest without the other...." she added.

Remembering what he had told her once before about why he didn't choose to keep her, and now hearing it again, Morgan smiled brightly. That proved it to her that there was good in him. Whether he wanted to believe it or not.... He just confirmed it. As powerful as he was, Morgan knew, if he desired her, he would have her. If he wanted her to be by his side, he would make it so, damn the effects and toll it would have on her. There was enough light in him to not want that, as possessive as he was over whom he treasured. Morgan let out a small sigh as she pondered that without saying anything.

"Morana was never again the same as before. That's one thing people tend to overlook or just don't know about. But there are small things, where you can recognize, something really big and painfull happened to her. When she lost Marvolo, she lost her patronus. Marvolo came back, but patronus never did. I don't really know how much that matters, since I was never able to cast one myself, but still..." Rabastan said. "Point is, they are dangerous. To everyone. I just think nobody really realizes just how much. Not even I. And I grew up with them. I just know, that most likely, whatever happens, they will walk out of war as innocent. And that's damn good achievement at their position, don't you think? It says something," he smirked more for himself.