I'm Not Sorry (Lily/James)

Sirius laid back on the bench of the courtyard. His mind raced to what Marvolo had said. You'd never hurt Lily. Was it true? Sure he was evil, as the others called it, to many people. But Sirius had always been so kind to Lily. He had never treated her badly. It seemed liked no marauder wanted to hurt that girl. But Sirius had to get through his thick head that he wasn't a marauder anymore. He got up abruptly, pushing several students of his way. Slowly making his way to the stairs, he couldn't help but get in the third floor. That's where the his sanity hit the breaking point. But was he surprised to see none other than Lily. I got to at least bad mouth her. I can't just see the good in her. "Hey Redhead. Not sucking James's face?" Sirius said, approaching Lily slowly.

Lily turned to familiar voice and faced Sirius. James told her about his condition alredy, but see it with her own eyes, it was something different. It shocked Lily, but all her face was showing was sadness over her friend. Over James' friend. And she knew well how it feels, when someone you love goes dark. Living memory of Sev's words were still there. Like a knife. "Mudblood" She still couldn't uderstand how she turned from human only to thing in his eyes. "Sirius," was all she said, her voice sad just like expresion in her eyes.

Sirius's eyes were blue. How could they be? He was trying to hurt someone. Dammit Lily, Sirius narrowed his eyes, and couldn't help but feel contempt for his actions. "How can James even be dating you? I understand you have a great ass and all..." Sirius mentally slapped himself. "But what the hell is he thinking? Dating a..." Sirius stopped talking and looked at Lily. Was he ready to be like Severus? Just destroy a friendship? "...Mudblood." Sirius instantly felt the need to apologize, but simply gazed at Lily. What had he done? He was throwing away his friendship. Like he had done with the others. But Lily had always been a support. Why did he feel the need to hurt her?

Lily knew what he was going to say in the moment he stopped for a second. And she felt terrible pain in her chest once again. But she refused to run away and cry like a little girl again. She was too much Gryffindor for that. So she smiled at him with all sadness she had as she held tears back with all her strenght. "Who did this to you, Sirius?" she asked kindly. This was her. Unlike with Sev, Sirius wasn't fascinated by dark arts. He was Slytherin with bright side. He was a lion with dark one. And she refused to believe there was nothing in him from that old Sirius who was her friend. Even if her only hope was in that one second he stopped before he called her the worst way possible.

Sirius expected Lily to run. Like she had done before. That time, he was actually on James's side. Now, he was on the opposite side. He was the one calling Lily by the name pure blooded wizards had given to muggle borns. He snickered at her question, although he didn't know why. "Who? People like you. They think they make everyone feel better, and then put a knife in your chest. Sure you're licking James now, but in a year or so, you're gonna feel like kissing another guy, and dump James. He looks away from this fact because he's an idiot. You know I'm telling the truth...heck I can assure you, even Snape would suddenly be interesting to you again." Of course Sirius was mentioning Morgan. She didn't understand anything. Nothing he was going through. And then, she though only she was left full of sorrow. "Girls like you did this to me. Bitch..."

Lily was called many names. And fool was one of them. But truth was, that she simply refused to give up on people, when she saw light in them. Even if the light was weak. Sirius was her friend. James' friend. She knew him since she first sat to Gryffindor table and no matter how stupid he acted all these years, she always saw a good man in him. Because no matter what he did, he was always willing to help. But right now, it was him who needed help. And Lily could see it. She watched him standing in front of her. And making one mistake for another. But the worst was, that she couldn't do anything. He had to find his way back alone. "Sirius, you are hurt, I get that. But it wasn't me, or James, or Peter, or Remus who did this to you. And we will never leave you. We will always be here, if you want to come back one day," she said with the same kindness she talked to him from the very beggining. "Remember that," she almost whispered.

Sirius's mind raced through all the possible smartass remarks he had. They were done. He simply couldn't face Lily. She just kept looking at his light side. Like most people had for all the years Sirius was supposedly good. He wanted to make Lily feel bad. But she was doing that to him instead. How did she do it? "Come back?" Sirius's mind turned back to the day he had met the person that already stroke fear in the heart of the ministry of magic. They were afraid of the storm that was brewing. "I met him. I met the one who's gonna make disgusting people like you perish forever. I met the dark lord. There's no turning back. I'm not coming back to you." Sirius placed his hands on Lily's arms. "He's coming. And I'm joining him. The best thing you can do is hide. Because when your time is up, I'm gonna be the one who kills you." Sirius blurted out. Looking into Lily's eyes, he couldn't help but wonder if he really would be capable of ending her life.

Lily looked down for a few seconds as she took a deep breath. But she didn't shake him off. Instead, she looked back into his eyes, her expression still the same. "I guess we will have to wait for that moment to come," she said to him, tears in her eyes again. "But you don't expect me to leave you, right? Because no matter what happens, no matter what you do or did. Who you met. Me and James, we are still here Sirius. You can try to kill us eventually. But I guess that will be the only way how to get rid of us," she told him honestly. "I lost one friend for this alredy. I am not loosing another one. Like it or not, Sirius," she said.

Sirius bowed his head, and lowered his arms, taking a few steps back. Sirius had grown up with James and Lily, loving them as much, or more than what he did his own brother. But now, it had come to an end, because the friends were following different paths. A solitary tear fell down from Sirius's eye, into the ground. Goodbye Lily... Sirius hoped he'd be able to remain friends with Lily again if he failed in doing what he planned, as he couldn't bare to lose yet another person in his life. Sirius sobbed slightly, passing his arm by his eye. "Guess I can't let anyone else hurt you." He lamented, taking his wand out and pointing it at Lily. He trembled a bit, at the thought of doing what his brain wanted him to do. Causing the death of a friend would destroy Sirius. But he had to do it.

Lily stood there, proud. She said nothing to him. There was nothing else to say after all. She knew she wouldn't be able to take out her wand fast enough to stop him, she wasn't a fool in this. Her only weapon was now to face Sirius and hope that just maybe, that tear meant more than whole bad and good side crap.

James had been waiting. As soon as he saw Sirius go to the third floor he was contemplating on following him. But why should he? Sirius had his own life. Even if he was up to no good. But James couldn't help it. And thank god he came in at the time he did. He caught a glimpse of the tear Sirius let fall of his eye. She reached him. He thought, taking out his wand at the same time Sirius did. This girl is amazing... James thought, referring to Lily. "Expeliarmus!"

Sirius's wand was quickly thrown of his hand. He looked at the one who had casted Expeliarmus at him. The only missing piece of the puzzle. James. If Sirius couldn't face Lily without actually letting his true emotions take control, facing them both would be impossible. He picked up his wand and slowly walked off. He was sure James wouldn't attack him from behind.

Lily looked at Sirius as he was leaving and reached for him, with her hand, but stopped in the middle. Maybe one day he will find his way back, but only time will show. She turned to man she loved. "James!" she smiled at him and for the first time actually realized she could die just seconds ago. In that actual moment, when her life was so close to be over, she didn't believe Sirius would do it. But now, once he was gone, she realized. She imidiately hugged James tightly and hid her face in his chest.

James put away his wand, and quickly held Lily. He was wondering how the two just found each other, but the most important thing was that Lily actually was able to reach Sirius. "He isn't gonna hurt you beautiful. You and I both know that." He kissed Lily's head, hugging her tightly. "You got to him? Didn't you?" He asked, curiously.

"He is still there somewhere," she whispered, but there was hint of hope in her voice. "He himself doesn't see it right now, but he will come back one day, James. We just have to wait," she smiled weakly as she looked up to James and kissed him gently. She was sure of what she said. Mainly because she saw Sirius when he was leaving. "But it's not me, who can bring him back. It's you. He couldn't face you, that's why he left."

"I know." He said with in a silent tone. James knew Sirius wasn't gonna hurt Lily. He would think more than twice before doing something as stupid as that. James looked down as Lily kissed him, and held her dearly. She was his girl, and Sirius had to remember he was gonna get into trouble if he ever got Lily hurt. "He knows what I am to him. I am more than a brother. I gave him a house when he needed the most. I know he's coming back eventually. Even if we got to wait."