What if... (Remus)

Sophia walked silently through the darkness of the night in Godric's Hollow, her steps leading her to the lonely and ancient graveyard. She never came here before, although she had many chances to. Even now, she wasn't really sure why she came. Laying three white roses onto the stone in front of her, she silently stared at the three names of people, who were supposed to be the closest to her, who were meant to be her family, yet they never were. She never got to meet Lily and James Potter, her biological parents. She met Harry a few times. There was even a time, when they did try for things to work, but they never did. She was too different. Violet Eileen Potter should have been lying there with them. Infant child that never got to grow up. But she wasn't. She was lost, forever lost in the darkness that swept the Wizarding World after her family died. And Sophia never really missed her. It was only now, that she stood there, she thought about what would Violet be like? Would she be clumsy, like Sophia used to be? Would she be a crybaby? Would she be hotheaded? Would she be the party queen? Would she be Gryffindor, like the rest of her family? And would she be able to save her big brother from death a decade ago? Could Violet Potter be a hero the World needed and maybe even deserved, but never got?

Remus had followed sophie out of the house the meeting had taken place in. When she dissapeared he had a feeling where she had gone, fathers intuition. He watched her for a moment looking down at the Potter family plott.

"They were good people" he said as he strode over. "but the greatest gift they ever gave me was you." he slid one of his muscled arms around her slender waist and pressed a kiss to her ginger hair. "What brings you here pet?"

Sophia sensed him before he even got to touch her, but she didn't flinch away. There were times, when she would. And maybe their relationship was still far from perfect, but Remus did become the only parent she had left, that was somewhat close. And as he promised to her, when he came to their home, asking to marry their mom, he did try his best to make it up to her for the rocky past. If all the crap that happened didn't get in the way, they might have been much further in their relationship now. "I've never been here before. Figured it might be finally the tiime to stop by," she explained. She herself didn't really know why she was here.

"Good people, huh?" she smirked. "Do you think they would hate me? Hate who I've become?" she asked him, genuinely curious. "Do you think they would hate you? For marrying mom, for... I don't know... not being the good guy?" she looked up at him.

Remus sighed, and shook his head "I dont know love, i really dont. When we were boys, and sirius and marvolo fell for each other. James tried his hardest to convince sirius she was wrong for him. And when i became friends with your mother, he and lily tried harder. It was one certain argument that pushed me to your mother the most. She found me one day after james had used a word that used to break me. He told me i was turning into the monster everyone thought i would be. Morana was there, she taught me to own the things everyone else hated."

He squeezed her shoulder looked into the emerald eyes peering up at him, "I was there you know. when you were born. this small beautiful little thing. Screaming, telling the world here i am, right from the moment you opened those beautiful eyes. I fell in love right away and when james and lily died and no one could find you..." he sighed again and hugged her tight. "Morana and i have the rockiest past, we hated each other for a time. alot of it had to do with your birth parents. And the fact she had you and never told me. I spent years thinking this wonderful little girl that i loved to hold was gone and i mourned you like my own child. Barty and i never saw eye to eye, hell he never saw eye to eye with any of us accept the twins. But we spoke one day, and it was his words that changed my angry heart. He told me how loved you were, and how safe. True i wished the potters still lived so you could grow up the way we all dreamnt our lives would go. He told me how at first he thought you were the product of his mother's disloyalty and the rage he held because of it. but then he told me once he learned the truth he let himself love you. And i realized even then you were safe."

He led her to a stone bench a few feet from the grave, and lowered her hood. "Your so beautful Sophia, I know the past can haunt even someone who never knew them. But i think had they faught and suffered as we all have I think they would be proud of you. Just like Morana and I are, as barty was. " one of his fingers pulled a stray strand of her hair forward and he smiled. "they may have hated me. and they would have hated Sirius, they would have hated marvolo for taking him from them. They would have hated there children then. but war has a way of not just breaking people apart but bringing them together. I know that even without the curse. that one day i would have realized just how much i love your mother. Perhaps then they would have hated me even more for marrying her. For loving her the way i do. but there is no point in what ifs my darling girl. I wish the man i had been when you were a child was better. I wish i had not taken out my anger with morana on you and pushed you away. I wish i had been the father you needed when Barty died, and i wish i had been the man you thought i was. I wish so many things but i cant change the past. You've always been my little diamond, forged in flames strong and sharp enough to cut. Its okay to wonder but don't trouble yourself so."

Sophia listened to his words, finally learning a bit more, than just snippets of the story. Her mom wouldn't talk about Potters much. She oly used to say that Lily was kind to majority of people, but that she had no right to tell Sophia about people she knew nothing about and always fought with for their different beliefs, because she didn't know them properly. It was for that she wanted Sophia to go and spend summer with Lupins before that year at Hogwarts. She wanted to give her a chance to make her own opinion. To learn things she could never share.

"I never really thought of it much, it's just standing here, I can't help, but wonder. I mean, I can never change, who I am. Who mom raised me to be. And I wouldn't want to. I think, Violet may have been a completely different girl. I just only here realized, that deep down, part of me would like to meet her, you know? See what she would be like, if things were different. Mom said Lily was kind and forgiving. That she was the only one not worth her forgiveness, too," Sophia chuckled at that. She remembered mom's words clearly, she was the only one in Lily's eyes, that was beyond saving. 

"You really think, she wouldn't forgive you? She forgave Severus and made him my godfather, remember? If she really was as kind and forgiving as I was told, wouldn't she forgive something, like falling in love with a person, who understands you more, than anyone?"

"that's the thing princess, she may have been forgiving but I could not forgive her if she never gave Morana a chance. I know it took me awhile, I had to grow up to forgive not just your mother but other people too. But I know Lily would never understand us. She loved my ex-wife, everyone loved my ex-wife. I did for a time before she grew to fear me for who I was becoming. Lily would have shunned me for that, and I'm alright with it, Sev was different pet, he wasn't a beast. Not like me. Your mother saw that and loved me even though I still lost control, even though she could fall asleep down the hall and never wake because the wolf ripped her throat out. She knew the risks of being around me, she never cared. Neither did Sirius or Marvolo, I tried to so hard to be the man James and Lily loved that I lost myself along the way. It took me a long time to realize the family I was dying inside for was right there the entire time."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I highly doubt you would hurt any of us. Wolf or not," Sophia gave him a small smile, speaking with all her confidence. She may have had her issues with Remus, but she never even considered, that he could go all wolf on them or mom and tear them apart. That he would leave? Yes, she worried about that at the beginning. But never she feared the animal in him. "Beast attacks only when caged and treated poorly. Maybe that's why mom is better for you, than your ex-wife ever was. She is a monster to your monster," she said, confident. "But I wonder, what did mom do to Lily, that she became the only person Lily could never forgive," she added, slightly amused when thinking about it. Lily Potter was a saint. Or so everyone said. So what made her so hateful towards one particular person? "But if she couldn't forgive you, I don't think she would be okay with me, or any of this. But that's okay. I am not Violet after all. I am Sophia."

"the twins never did anything to them. The potters never liked them nor showed any sort of understanding about how anyone could care for them or follow them. Morana most of all, she was never personable like Marvolo, Marv could walk into a room and find people to talk to and to some degree relate back then. But your mom in a way carried her hurt on her sleeve and hid it in a shroud of darkness and snarky remarks. She made it very hard to be liked by anyone. She could be charismatic sometimes, people would be charmed by her, but some of them, a bit smarter then the flock of sheep our school mates were, could see beneath the surface. Could see her heart. I think thats why Lily never even gave her a chance. Even Mira, Sirius' ex wife gave Morana a chance but she had forsight so perhaps she knew things others did not."

Sophia took a moment to think about it. Her mom was a difficult person. She was a great mother. She loved her and the twins unconditionaly. There was nothing she wouldn't do for them. She also loved aunt Marvolo, her dad, Remus or Philip. She had a habit of doing things, that were maybe not very likable, but necessary. It usually made her even bigger of a villain. "So, the obvious hate relationship Lily had with mom, what were they like? What was is like growing up with them? What was my brother like?" she asked, genuinely curious and for once, not ashamed of asking about it. She felt like with Remus, she could be honest about her interrest in the past. And if she was to ever think about the what if again, she would like to know more about what she would be imagining.

"Lily was much like the flower, she always was turned towards the sun, filled with simple dreams for a simple life with James. She never wanted much, but she was the best student in our year, I followed at a close second, when she ended up with James everyone thought 'oh no good little Lily Evans is off with that potter boy' " he laughed and shook his head, "no body could tell that she was right in the thick of things at times, and when she met Morana, it was easy to see they would never be friends. They obviously didnt like each other from a distance and up close didn't make it better. But she was James' girl and Marvolo was sirius' girl. Morana came with Marvolo, so Lily swallowed her pride at times, but your dear Mum didn't always make it easy."

He looked out over the grave stones falling into the memories, "Harry was so much like James, we could all tell from the moment he was on two feet he was trouble. Sirius and I got him quidditch gear for his first birthday and he broke vases and ruined curtains. The kid was deifnitely there son. Seeing him grow up, he was more like James then anything, but he had Lily's great compacity to love."

He twirled a strand of Sophie's hair in his finger holding her close to his side as he spoke. "My son Romulous was friends with Harry, and he was close to the Weasleys, my other son..Ricky.." he flinched, bringing up the son he lost always hurt him. "He loved everyone in his own special way. But Rom and Malphas were thick as thieves from day one. Mal is so much like Sirius and Marvolo in the way he walked into a room, commanded respect and made friends fast and true. He and Harry were very close, like brothers in a way. Almost like we had planned it."

"Lily could be petty sometimes, and I saw that in Harry often. Harry never gave people second chances but he held things over them like Lily would. I sometimes wonder what she would have said had she known that in the end, it was Marvolo and Morana who had put there lives on the line for her son. Sirius and I weren't with him like we should have been. I wonder how that makes little Lily feel now, watching them defend her son. They failed, and at the time we thought they had died together, all on the same side."

"I remember my first conversation with Harry. A proper one, I mean. He said I should have Mal as an example, to choose to follow the good side and all that crap. We were just kids, but he always saw it so easy. He had no clue what it's like to be at Wolfclaw, always in Marcus' shadow. And Salazar forbids I told him I actually didn't want to change. He kept telling me Potters were fighters and that I should fight and all that. Even if, at the end of that conversation, he promised to give me a chance, he never accepted that I might actually like who I am, where I am. It was even funnier since it was Mal, who made me a killer to begin with. Not dad, but Mal," Sophia said, a bit sad at the knowledge. 

"I just wished you all to accept me, back then. But Harry refused unless I changed. And everyone said I was dead to you and Sirius. I couldn't sacrifice the only family I knew, people, who never did anything bad to me, to change for someone who just might like me that way, so I just gave up."

He held her tighter and sighed deeply "I know pet. Sirius and I were right bastards back then. I mean we still are, but we should have embraced you the way we do now. I still loved you, maybe from a distance but I was scared, I was afraid that perhaps Morana and Barty had taught you to hate me. Had made you cruel before your time. But I was wrong, I had so much going on in my life, trying to raise my children, trying to be more man than wolf, that when it came to you I let that fear stay until I properly met you. I decided in harry fourth year i'd give you a chance. I was awkward and stumbling, i didn't know how to be around you and it took years for me to learn how to talk to you and by then the curse took you away from us."

He leaned his head ontop of hers, the night darknening around them as they reminisced. "I held Morana as she screamed and mourned, she spent days trying to break the curse, you children and Marvolo were so close but so far. As the years went on we became closer then before, we mourned our children together. One night after having too many drinks I remember breaking down in tears and sobbing, begging her to forgive me for the man I had been, for the way I treated her, the way I treated you. She held my head in her lap those impossibly long nails in my hair as I sobbed for hours, my heart broken. I told her how much I regret everything, How i should have been there for you all. For you. How I hated the fact I never saw your first steps or heard you shouting at everyone being a bossy little toddler like I knew you would. That little storm with skin I had held in my arms..." a tear slid down his cheek and he took a deep breath. "She forgave me in the end...she never realized how tortured I was because of everything. How much I had missed her during our years estranged, how much I missed little you. We had been drinking because it was your birthday, and it seemed fitting that wouldbe the day i broke down. It had been a year since the curse fell, and no one could figure out how to break it. "

"I don't think she needed to forgive you. I don't think she was ever angry with you to begin with," Sophia stated, thinking of her mom. "You know how she is. Taking the highway to hell, just to make sure nobody else she cares about has to. But let's face it. Mom was never a good person. And she has been tortured for years by the man she hates and woman that took away her only son. Have you nocited, on those photos, have you noticed that sinister smile she had on her face? Do you think there is any humanity left in her after all this?" Sophia asked him, worry clear in her voice. She never had fake ideas about her mother. She knew Morana Gaunt was potentialy the biggest evil walking this Earth. But it was that smile, that made her realize it fully.

"And I forgive you, too," she said simply. "We all did things we are not proud of. But you are here now. And so is Sirius. I know I haven't been the best daughter lately, but I really am glad we have you both," she told him, knowing this was the first time she acknowledged him as a family.

Remus wrapped his daughter in his arms hugging her tightly. "I love you so much Sophia" he nuzzled her and kissed her cheek before looking down at her with a wicked smile "Don't count your dear mum as a beast quite yet little one. She's always had humanity when it came to her family and friends. She may have been changed by this captivity but I know when we see her, she will still be the woman i married and loved through out my life."

"Oh she is a beast, alright? Otherwise she wouldn't handle you and you would get bored with her," Sophia winked at him, teasing him slightly. "And I know she won't stop caring. I honestly believe, that caring is what kept her alive. But I am not sure if the rest of the World is ready for her wrath," she smiled, spark of happiness in her face. This talk made her, despite the sad topic, feel like there were brighter days up ahead. That maybe one day, when the war is actually over, they can be happy. Normal. Well, as normal as this family can get.

Remus laughed deep and rumbling and he ruffled her hair. "You are just like Morana do you know that? You have a bit of both those twins, you have morana's harshness and just enough of marvolos tenacity."

"When those two come out the world will not be reayd."

"The World was never ready," she joked. "I think mom and auntie waited for too long to take Voldemort down. They should have done it sooner. And they know it now. And I think, that when they are done with him and his followers, there won't be nothing but ash and blood left behind," Sophia said darkly, looking up to the sky. It was time for them to get justice. After years of pain and suffering, they needed closure. Sophia was now 26. Yet it was over six decades ago, when she was a thirteen year old party girl. The World went so wrong somewhere along the way. It was time to fix it.