In Raven's Eyes (Malphas)

Morana felt something familiar inside, as she watched crowds of students passing the streets of Hogsmeade, covered in first british snow. She remembered herself walking these streets on her own, years ago. And despite the°fact she couldn't tell she missed it, there was something inside her, telling her, that somewhere deep inside, she did. Not that her life was easier or less dark back then. But there was something about her school years, that kept part of her remaining humanity for itself. In the end, maybe it was exactly this place, that was keeping her human. That stopped all the feelings and emotions from falling to that deep black hope inside her, created by vampirism. Maybe it was face of Remus Lupin, when they were still like siblings, or Morgan, now his wife, when she smiled and cheered up Morana's dark days not even knowing it, or her sister always in trouble but loving and caring for her, that kept her human after all. At least a little bit. With that thought, she noticed Mal, alone, far away from everyone. It made her fly down and sit on the bench next to him, observing him in her raven form.

Sitting on a bench at Hogsmeade Malphas sighed heavily, his mind counting the people he still talked too, and they weren't that big of a number. Kain, Atticus, Emrys, Harry, Bruce, Magnus, Mariya. He no longer had his crew, partially because of his own actions considering he killed Lucius, Archard and Mulciber when he learned of whom his real father was. He didn't want to but he couldn't help it, he had to let off some steam and he murdered his three best friends. Propping a cigarette in his mouth, he looked over at the raven that landed beside him, "You remind me of my aunt Morana little fella," he pat the Raven's head, lighting the cigarette.

If Morana could, she would roll her eyes. But it didn't really work much that way, when one was a raven. So instead, she just waited until people finally entered the village and found their own fun, so she could get some time with her nephew without huge risk of beeing seen. "That's probably because I am your aunt Morana. And I'm highly disappointed you didn't recognize me, Malphas," she said with her cold husky voice, yet added a smirk to the second sentence. "So, what's bothering my favourite nephew?" she asked afterwards, looking somewhere in front of her, into the dark woods.

Seeing his aunt in front of him made Malphas feel contempt, anger and happiness at the same time if that was even possible. Anger, because when his aunt was in front of him all he saw was his mother and the feeling he had of strangling her returned to his mind. Contempt because he didn't want to care for Marvolo as much as he still did. Happiness because his aunt had always been kind to him and he was trying to see her as Morana and not as her lying sister. "...You shouldn't be here, aunt," he whispered and although it didn't happen often, he embraced her in a hug. "Things haven't been too well in the Carrow residence," he sighed.

Morana froze in surprise for a second before returning the hug tight to her nephew. "You're right, I shouldn't. But I also shouldn't kill all those people I killed, betray all those people I betrayed and do other shit that makes me the bitch everybody hates," she said and gave him a wink. "It's not just Carrow residence, Mal. Your mother hates me, you hate her, your dad hates her. We are blinded by discovered truths, lies and hate that comes out of it," she said, as she knew what was happening. It bothered her she couldn't speak to Marvolo as she used to anymore. To clear things out, to help her get her family back. But she had to leave her sister be. To deal with the stuff on her own. But she was always there. At least she could now be there for Mal if he wanted her to.

Looking over his aunt he saw no one and was relieved as he didn't want their conversation to be disrupted. "C'mon I've killed hundreds of people and I betrayed another hundred, we all make mistakes," he exaggerated a bit on the numbers but it was true anyway, they killed they betrayed, but they were just human. They made mistakes. "Dad? You mean, Bruce? He doesn't hate her anymore...they're good again. Moving on, as if nothing happened," he growled gripping the wood of the bench, as it began to crumble under his hand. Sighing heavily, he rose from the bench, taking a drag from the cigarette, "How could she lie for so long..." he asked himself.

She laughed at his answer genuinely. Yeah, they made mistakes. Question was, if those were kind of mistakes that made them human or monsters instead. But not that she cared about how people saw her anymore. She couldn't afford it. She chose herself over other long time ago. It was too late to change it. "Bruce is your dad, Mal. Every man can be a father. Not everyone can be a dad. Bruce maybe isn't your father. But that's why I called him your dad. Barty isn't Sophie's father either. Yet it's him who she calls daddy every day. It's him who teaches her how to hurt and kill people. It's him who shows her how to be strong and protect herself. It's him she loves. Not James Potter. Despite the fact she knows the truth now. It didn't change," she started, calm and with a bit of sadness in her voice.

"She lied to you, because she didn't know how to tell you. First you were too young to understand. Then you grew up so fast and she was too afraid to tell you, because she was terrified of losing you. Trust me, I've been there. Telling my daughter she actually isn't mine. There is no bigger fear in mothers heart, than facing her child stop loving her for things she cannot fix or change," she added.

Malphas laughed bitterly at his aunt's words not because of her saying them, but because they were exactly the same Emrys told him. However, no matter how many times anyone told him that, he had his own beliefs, his own thoughts about the matter. "Bruce adopted me. I see him as an older brother now. Not a father. Plus, you're right, not everyone can be a dad...Like James Potter, the other one didn't have a shot at being my dad," he responded blowing the smoke out as he spoke.

"Telling me when I was younger would've been better. I wouldn't have understood, no, but I wouldn't feel what I feel now, every day, every hour, every minute. I just want to hurt her. Why was it so hard to tell me Sirius Black is my father," he asked once again his tone remaining low and husky.

Morana leaned against the bench, looking up to the dark sky. "Probably because Sirius Black is your father," she replied bitterly, pure hate clear in her voice as she spoke his name. She hated Black deep to her bones. He was pain in her ass, yet she never dared to hurt him, for she loved her sister too much to lose her over jackass he was. "You hate the world. You hate yourself. You hate your father. And you hate you mother. I know the feeling. Maybe not because of what happened to you, but I still know how you feel. It sucks. And I can tell you all those sweet kind words. But I am Morana Gaunt. You know your aunt well enough to also know I am not that person. So, what I can tell you as an advice is... suck it up. Because the reality is not going to change when you hate it enough. It stays all the fucking same and the only result is you feeling miserable."

Growling he shook his head, "Oh but it does change. Up until now I was king of Hogwarts. Now I'm just a loner. With no friends but my roomates, a male whore, Emrys, and Harry Potter," he laughed coldly at the mention of Harry's name. "Do I even look that much like him," he asked turning on his heel, flipping his jet black hair, holding the cigarette in his hands, standing tall and with a straight spine. Little did he know he was identical to his father in his early years only difference was he had a rougher side and was less tamed, and was more of an animal.

"Well, I am not sure if I should be proud or concerned. And I am not sure if I should more ask about male whore or how the fuck did you befriend Potter from all the people. On the other side, I was always curious if he is as lame as him parents," she pointed out casualy, sarcasm clear in her voice. She didn't care much of Sophie's biological brother. He was going to be pain in her ass one day, she was pretty sure of it. But she couldn't exactly eliminate him either, for he could be quite useful in doing dirty job for her by killing her stupid uncle for good. At Mal's question, she looked at her nephew, her face deadly serious again. "There are people who may tell you, that you two look alike. Most of them will actually. But not to me. I hate Sirius Black. I hate him so much you wouldn't believe. Yet I don't see him in you. I never did. Despite the fact I knew the truth ever since your mother told me about her pregnancy, all those years ago. And before you go harsh on me for knowing and not telling, I am maybe a bitch, but there are things that don't belong to me to tell."

"The male whore is Kain Shadow. He’s a peculiar kid, but he’s interesting, and perhaps just as insane…as me,” Mal answered looking up at the darkened sky, occasionally seeing a dementor pass by, they were everywhere nowadays, and the justification for them being there was that Malphas’ father was on the loose. “Harry is… different. I found out he’s a parselmouth and I offered to help him understand that power. He didn’t push me back, something any other Gryffindor would probably do. He wants to learn, and wants to have friends, and I can’t blame him for it," he responded calmly hurling the cigarette tip to the floor, hearing it sink into the snow. "I’m sure others knew. Bruce had a hunch that Sirius was my sperm donor, but never really spoke on it, he wanted to let the past be. Marvolo ruined him…" he shook his head, “What happened between you and my father?” he asked curiously and wished his aunt gave him a straight answer and not some kind of riddle. He wasn’t in the mood for any of that.

"Shadows were always special bunch," Morana smirked. Not that she knew them much, but it was hard not to hear of them. She didn't really have much to say to his next words, but his question made her rise eyebrow with strange amusement. "Sirius Jackass Black was pain in my ass ever since we first met. He was trouble. It's hard to explain everything that happened back in that day. But I can try. Just remember, you won't hear that many words in a row from me ever again," she replied, bitter laugh escaping her lips.

"When we were little. Me and Marvolo I mean. We grew up with only two friends. Barty and Rabastan. For a very long time, it seemed I will end up with Barty and she goes for Rabs. That was how it was meant to be. Or so they said. Until Black came in. Marvolo fell in love with a man standing on the other side of the baricade. And everything turned into a disaster. Black hurt Morgan, Marvolo hurt Rabs. For the time being, Black seemed to switch the sides, just so the very next day me and Marvolo barely talked. He loved her, yet disrespected me. And she stood by his side despite everything," Morana started the very long history they had.

"I would lie if I said I am not selfish enough for this to be only reason. Deep down, with everything that happened, it was the only reason. Marvolo was everything I ever had in my entire life. She was my life. And suddenly, some asshole came and almost took her away. In relationship, where they kept destroying each other. Until it escalated where it shouldn't. They got engaged, she got pregnant. And than, the jackass who kept convincing us about how perfect he was, failed at protecting himself from a curse. He stabbed your mother, killing your older brother, forcing her to commit suicide. She spent a decade in hell. I lost my patronus. And when she came back, things were never the same again," she said, her eyes searching somewhere in front of her, for ghosts of their past.

"When she came to me with Bruce, I was happy. With hope there is a chance to fix this mess. And despite everything or maybe because of it, I kept the secret about your biological father. And I loved you from the very first moment she told me about you. I never stopped. And I never will. Even if you decide to go to your father. Nothing is ever going to change. But in the same time, I will never stop hating him," she finished.

Hearing the story closely Malphas heard everyone of his aunt's words and he had to admit his mother and aunt's past had been eventful to say the least. And Morana hadn't even described half of their childhoods and teen years, so he could bet there was much more to it than what his aunt let on. Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks his mind seemingly stopped working correctly for a few moments as he tried to understand his aunt's words correctly... "Older brother?" he asked his voice filled with shock. 

His mother had told him nothing about Sirius or an older brother, he knew nothing not even Bruce had mentioned anything about it, although he was sure he did considering he spoke many times about Sirius. "I was gonna have an older brother?" he asked still finding it hard to believe.

Morana smirked. Of course, from all of that, he will pick the part about his unborn sibling. "Had and hadn't. Marvolo found out she was pregnant. But never managed to give birth to little one. Black stabbed her controlled by some curse. She lost the child. The little one is burried somewhere. But you will have to ask her where. I've never been there. The child is too much symbol of a past I don't want to remember," Morana replied honestly. The days she lost Marvolo, they were the worst in her life. Last thing she wanted was to remember them more, than necessary.

"Time is supposed to wash away scenes of our crimes. But in the end, I think it never goes away. Sirius Jackass Black maybe isn't fully closed chapter in your mother's life. And maybe that's why she didn't tell you sooner. She is not like me. She actually knows how to care for people. She was always the one to have friends. I had only those I manipulated into my puppets. Maybe that's the reason why you hate her now. And why she hates me," she pointed out with humorless laugh.

Malphas was left stunned at the fact he wasn’t supposed to be Marvolo and Sirius’ oldest son, he was supposed to have had a brother, and that his father and his mother had done that much in the small time they had been together. "Do you at least know what his name was going to be?" he asked this time not waiting for an answer because of what his aunt had just said. Of course he could hope, and although he wanted to know more, he couldn’t go to his mother. There was only one thing to do at that point if he wished to learn more…

He shrugged when his aunt pointed out his mother now had a burning hate for her, “I still don’t understand her…” he shook his head, “Why the fuck is she even ‘mad’ at you? I know you do a lot of wrong shit, aunt Morana,” he grinned slightly, “But you’re her sister…” he added with a bemused expression.

"I don't," Morana replied simply. She wasn't sure if Marvolo even told her the name. And she didn't really care much. It was the past. There was nothing any of them could do to change it. So why bother? At his question why is Marvolo so angry, Morana shrugged and made humorless laugh. "She is your mother and yet you are mad at her," she pointed out matter of factly. "I'm not sure why exactly she is mad. I just know it has something to do with two my desicions I made not so long ago. And I chose not to tell her imidiately," she added first, but knowing Mal wasn't in mood for her games today, she took a breath to add explanation afterwards.

"Ever since I lost her and faced her homecoming from hell... ever since I knew what was ahead of me, my priorities changed. I used to want to rule the world. Now, all I want is to watch it burn. And I want to survive. More, than anything. So, I did two things to ensure I stay alive. I woke up Traveller legacy. And I got one little back door in case I get killed in war," she said, turning towards her nephew, showing him her vampirish face. "Of course this little secret of mine won't exactly work, when it's not a secret anymore. Which is why I didn't tell her right away," she added.

Mal nodded and was certain that Morana had no reason to hide his brother's name from him, sure she didn't want to remember however they were having a serious talk for the first time in a very long while and he knew she wouldn't keep it from him. "I at the very least have a reason," he answered. "She lied to me for fifteen years," he replied with a growl.

When she told him about the travellers he wasn't exactly surprised his aunt was now leading some sort of group, not that he cared as long as she didn't invite him. He had enough on his plate as it was, but when she showed him her vampire face, his eyes zoomed on her fangs, "Wow..." he whispered, amazed. So far in his young life he had only seen one vampire and Bruce had brutally destroyed it after a battle. And now his aunt was one too... "Aunt Morana, when the fuck did this happen," he asked with a smirk referring to her turning.

"She lied to you, I lied to her. Well, I would say I simply didn't say anything, but I guess that's just as bad in this case," she smirked, watching his reaction with amusement. In a way, she was glad she could tell him. Phil was her best friend, but he wasn't a family. She never talked about being a vampire with Barty. There was no point. Amelia was still pissed for Morana fooling her, kids didn't know and Marvolo was pissed off as well. "A little about two years ago. I tricked Amelia a little. She is still not over it," Morana replied when he asked about her condition. "It's a secret, Mal. I didn't do this for power. I did this to survive. Only few people know and I want it to stay that way," she told him honestly.

"There are way too many people, who want my head on a stake. Moody and your biological father would probably be first in the row. I am the one even hell wants dead. And I'm not going to let that happen," she told her nephew honestly, slight hint of pain and fear she felt he could for a second see in her eyes. She remembered all too well what happened during that short time she was dead. And she sure as hell didn't want to repeat that experience more, than necessary.

"Did she bother to ask?" he asked with a roll of his eyes imagining that this whole thing was somehow set up by his mother to make her look like the good guy. And if Marvolo thought Morana needed to tell her everything, than probably she should understood what having siblings was like, "Alright, I wasn't planning on telling anyone either," he shrugged and when he heard his father wanted her dead he began wondering if Morana's fame was true. Because if it was, there was a side to the story she told that was missing. "I won't tell anyone, don't need to, don't want to," he grinned. "But you should tell my sister in case you haven't, aunt, she's just like Marvolo," he rolled his eyes, "They both share that name after all," he shrugged.

Morana laughed darkly at his question. "How? I mean, would you just randomly visit you sister and ask: hey, by the way, didn't you turn into a vampire lately?" she said, amusement clear in her voice. "Your mother is not the bad guy. Not to you anyway. But I can see why do you see her this way right now. You need to see and explore things for yourself," she added. "And I will tell her. I need to tell her anyway. I'm planning to die eventualy. I need Travellers to know. Your sister wants to stand by my side. She is not only my niece, but my partner in this as well... that might be another reason why your mother hates me, when I think of it," Morana pointed out matter-of-factly.

"Speaking of hate, I know you will speak to your father sooner or later. Send him my regards. I wonder if his ribs still hurt like a bitch. Even if I suppose that Azkaban made that pain worthless. Such a shame," she said, lost in her memories of scar she crated across the ribs of Sirius Black. Time flies so fast.

Morana laughed darkly at his question. "I meant ask you how was life carrying you, don't sass me aunt, it's annoying," he answered smiling slightly. "It's what I plan to do," he replied and then shook his head with a long sigh. "Scratch the might," he drawled crossing his arms at his chest. "What with him being out of jail and shit, I'll most likely run into him eventually," he then dropped his head, "Aunt. I'm frightened. By the idea I may like what he is, who he is," he confessed. He wasn't afraid of Morana and her manipulative reputation, because he was certain his aunt knew that manipulating him wasn't an option he saw past that, he was a Gaunt like she was the heir of Slytherin, manipulation ran in his veins.

"No it's not. You are just grumpy and you have no clue what to do with yourself, so everything annoys you. Welcome to my life in a nutshell," she replied, still amused returning his smile. She didn't envy him this. Having to decide what he wanted in his life. She was there once. And everyone could see what is made her. "You are not him, Mal. You can never be him. We can never be the same person as someone else. And if you like what he is? So what?" she more said, than asked. "It's easy to be born and have your life directed in one way. The same as your parents and their parents. Majority of people have that luxury. They don't know what it feels like to stand on the crossroads. And the less they know, the less understanding they have," she said.

"When you stand on that crossroads and you have to decide, it's different. Sometimes bad things happen and they make you go our direction. Sometimes, on rare occasions, there are actually people who push you to the opposite one. But in the end, it's still your choice. Despite the fact I believe that even if you like who he is, you can never stand by his side. Not for long anyway. You are simply way too dark to be bound by the good side," she finished. "But watch it boy! If you actually go all goodie and such, remember you can always come back to your auntie and get some blood on your hands," she gave him a wink.

Leaning down from the bench his relaxed his hands grabbing a ball of snow. Holding out his palm he allowed it to slowly pour from his hand leaving it ice cold, however he barely felt it because confusion was worst than physical pain. "... Nothing seems to be as black and white as good and evil..." he raised his eyes watching the dark sky above him. "Thank you aunt. For being here for me when no one else is able to," he thanked her honestly with all his heart he loved his aunt and he perhaps knew one day that would be his undoing but she was family. And although at the moment he wished he could stab Marvolo over and over, she was his mother, and he loved her either way.

"Nothing is ever black and white. Which sucks sometimes. Specialy for people like me. But you know what? Everything I did, I did for a reason," she said more to herself, than to him and nodded at his thanks. She wanted to be there for him when he needed her. "Did you know I used to be friends with Lupins? Remus actually walked me down the aisle. He used to be like a brother to me," she said, her voice full of strange amusement as she hid her pain completely when it came to name Remus Lupin. "He always said that life is not only black and white. Funny thing is, it was the way he saw the world in the end, when it came to judging me."