Right time for apology? (Severus)

Lily was just on her way to dormitory, when she dropped her transfiguration book. "Dammit," she cursed quietly, looking at the book. She really had bad day today. It was weeks since Sev... Snape called her mudblood and life went on. It was incident that everyone forgot. Only Lily couldn't. Sometimes she caught herself looking for her best friend in crowd of Slytherins with two Gaunts always in lead. Than she realized her best friend was not there anymore. He disappeared somewhere. And it hurt.

Severus had been feeling like shit lately, since the incident with Lily really. Although his new friends tried to cheer him up, he missed her and had been trying to approached her several time, but she was always surrounded by some of her Gryffindor friends.
Rounding the corner, her thanked his luck that he had finally found her alone. "Lily..." he said soflty and walked to her and picked up her book. "I... I wanted to talk to you."

That voice in her head. So familiar. And yet so different. Like an echo of friend Lily loved so much. "What do you want Snape?" she hissed. Not really because she wanted to be mean, more like it was the only way how to talk to him and not cry. The pain in her heart was still there. She felt betrayed.

Severus reeled back as if she had slapped him again. She had stopped using his first name? he thought shocked. He swallowed hard. "Lily ... I wanted to apologize. what I called you by the lake... You know I don't think of you like that. What I said... I don't even know why I said it, I was just so angry." he looked at her sadly. "I'm so sorry, Lily."

"All those years we know each other, you were mad at me so many times, but you never called me like this. And that's the point. You think of me like that, somewhere deep inside. At the lake, you shouted at me, but didn't say a word to your precious Death Eater princess! I became nothing compare to them and to your precious Dark Arts and if I forgive you now, what will be the next thing you will be apologizing for? Me being tortured to insanity? Me being dead?" she looked at him, trying not to show how much these words hurts her.

Severus shook his head in denial, he would never let anything like that happen to her. "No Lily, I really didn't mean it. I was just so mad at Potter and that you took the chance from me to get even with him. This was very important for me and you just didn't understand it!" his hand went through his hair in agitation.
" And Marvolo has nothing to do with this. What's your problem with her anyway? She just tried to help like you did. Just she backed off when I told her to." he started getting a little defensive of his Slytherin friend.

"My problem with her? The same as with all other your Death Eater friends!" Lily said angrily. How could he not understand that?! "Okay, when you really didn't mean it, when I really matter to you, I guess it won't be a problem if I ask you to give up all the dark magic and death eater stuff for me, right?" she asked, her eyes full of hope now as she looked into his. If he could drop all of this, she could forgive him, everything would be okay again.

Severus couldn't believe his ears. Giving up on his friends and his studies? How could she ask that of him, she knew how important that was for him. "How can you ask that of me Lily? I never hurt anyone with my knowledge, it's just that, knowledge! How can that be a bad thing, huh? Unlike Potter I don't go around hexing people!" he spat angrily.
"And I'm finally finding friends in my own house and you ask me to give all that up? I never ask you to give up your Gryffindor friends either, Lily, that's not fair!" Why couldn't she just understand that he needed more than just one friend, he felt important when the others looked up to him for his skill and knowledge.

"Maybe because I don't have friends in my house who want to get rid of every muggleborn, or how you said, mudblood in this world!" Lily almost shouted. "But okay, I get it. They are amazing, I am just... a mudblood," she said and pain increased again. Somewhere deep inside, Lily always knew this will come, one day. But she still wasn't ready.

Severus shook his head helplessly. "That's not what I meant, Lily! I care for you, you're my best friend. Why can't I just have both, you and my other friends? It worked so far didn't it?" he felt exhausted by all the fighhting, he really hadn't wanted it to come to this, but now everythng, their whole friendship seemed to come to an end.

"Because we are not little kids anymore! This in not just a stupid game! We grew up and in two years, out of this school, first things your friends will do is to kill me! You choose them, fine, but don't expect me to just stand there, smile at you like everything is okay and wait for my death. Because I am not going to do that! I am going to fight. And I am going to win. That's the gryffindor in me. And if I die, I will take as many your friends with me, as possible!" she said angrily. How could he not see that. "Even if it means take you to the grave with me as well," she added words she actually didn't really want to say. This wasn't sweet kind and diplomatic Lily everybody knew, this was selfconfident witch who was prepared to fight for what she believed in. For everything that she got left after her best friend left her.

Hearing those words felt like a stab in his heart and Severus took a step backwards, his face pale. "You don't mean that Lily." he said quietly. "I would never let anyone hurt you, you must know that. And my friends aren't murderers. They just have a strong liking for the dark arts, that doesn't make them bad people." he said dejectedly. Obviously, their friendship was already beyonf repair and it pained him greatly.
"I just hope you can forgive me oneday, Lily." he told her softly.

Lily took a deep breath to answer, but didn't say anything. It way pointless to say that she wants him to find a way back to the good side, because she told this to him so many times before. "Goodbye Snape," she said as coldly as possible and ran to the Griffindor dormitory.

"Goodbye Lily..." Severus couldn't believe their friendship was really over. After all these years where they had played together at the playground or practiced potions or did homework in the library. They used to hang out everyday, but it seemed to have changed once and for all.
Suddenly, Severus felt as if his childhood really was over with no chance to go back and he sank down against the wall tiredly. Pulling up his knees he put his head down and sighed deeply.